“It’s more complicated than—”
“We literally just moved here, which you didn’t ask my opinion about either. Or when you quit the restaurant and we left New York. How about Maggie fits into our life if she wants to be in it so bad?”
“It’s not that simple, Greyson.” Alex’s eyes flitted over to me, but I stared straight ahead. “Your mom, she—”
“I told you. I don’t have a mom. Maggie can pretend she’s my mom all she likes, but she isn’t, and she never will be, and I don’t even need a mom, because I have you.” Her voice broke, strangled as she forced thewords from her mouth. “I know you think you have to give up everything for me, or fix things, or whatever. But there’s nothing to fix. She left, and you didn’t, and I don’t want anyone else, even though you make me so mad sometimes!”
Alex looked at her for a long moment, and I wished I could know what he was thinking. “We’ll talk about this at home,” he said, then turned back around in his seat and stared out the window.
Quiet overtook the car again. I’d intended to keep silent until we were back at the condo, but then I caught Mia making a face at Kitty when I glanced in the rearview mirror, and couldn’t hold it in any longer.
“Wipe that look off your face, Mia,” I snapped. “I can’t believe you would do this. Do you know how sick I was with worry? To get a phone call in the middle of the night? How did you get there? And don’t tell me you walked.”
“Nothing happened,” Mia said, and I remembered her comment on the day they’d arrived about minors with fake IDs being able to use Uber.
“Let me guess, you called an Uber, right? And you’re lucky nothing happened. Two thirteen-year-olds and a sixteen-year-old getting in a stranger’s car in the middle of the night? It would’ve been better if you’d stolenmycar! Do you have any idea what could’ve happened? You could’ve been kidnapped! Or fallen overboard or gotten hurt. The boat isn’t a toy. And don’t even get me started on the trespassing. Alex and I will be lucky if the owners don’t find out about this, because if they do, Captain will have our heads. We could lose our jobs for this.”
“It’s not a big deal,” Mia said. “You got this job by trespassing.”
I gripped the steering wheel tighter. “It is a big deal, Mia. And that was different. I was an adult, and yeah, looking back on it, it was a terrible idea. Your mother entrusted me with the two of you for the summer, and if something happened to you—” I shook my head. “I have to keep you safe.”
“But you can’t keep us safe!” she said. “Haven’t you figured that outyet? No one can keep anyone safe! It’s all random. People die and there’s nothing anyone can do about it, so why try?”
I forced myself to keep my eyes on the road ahead, too angry to look at her. “You’re right, Mia. I can’t guarantee your safety, but that doesn’t mean you should go out of your way to be reckless.”
The car went silent again, and no one spoke the rest of the way home. All I could think about was what Mia had said.Safe.I turned the word over in my mind like a stone. It was as if Mia were looking for trouble, like she was daring it to follow her. If anything happened to her or Kitty... I couldn’t even think about it. What would it do to me? To Beth?
“Thanks, Jo,” Alex said when I stopped in front of his unit. I gave him a sympathetic smile, our eyes meeting before he shut the door. I watched him disappear inside his condo, our kisses in the karaoke restaurant’s parking lot feeling as if they had happened forever ago.
The girls didn’t move or speak when I parked the car, and their silence only made me angrier. I clicked out of my seat belt and turned to face them. Didn’t they have anything to say for themselves?
“Do you have any idea what I gave up this summer to be with you? I had a whole trip planned. I was going to go to Europe, actually finish my list, but instead I’m getting calls in the middle of the night because my nieces thought it would be fun to take an Uber to party on the yacht!”
Mia remained still, but tears shone in Kitty’s eyes. “After everything we’ve gone through, you should know better than to put yourselves in danger like that. Don’t you think your mother’s been through enough? Haven’t you seen what losing your brother has done to her? If you don’t care about yourselves, at least think about her.”
Mia glanced up at me with that guilty look I’d seen pass over her face from time to time, the one I’d tried to make sense of but hadn’t figured out. She shook her head, tears running down her cheeks as she stared at me. “I ruin everything,” she said, her voice breaking. She undid her seat belt and swung open the car door, slamming it behind her beforerunning inside. Kitty, still in the back seat, looked at me with wide eyes, and I turned away. Moments later, she got out of the car, and I saw her run into the condo after her sister.
My first instinct was to chase after them and explain that nothing was ruined, but I couldn’t move. I sat in my car, thinking again of how, in a few weeks, I would walk into that condo and be alone. How I would look across the street, and there’d be no Greyson or Alex passing by in their running clothes. I told myself I should go inside and make up with the girls. I should enjoy the time I had left with them. But I didn’t want them to see me falling apart like I was now, angry and crying in my car. I was supposed to be the one keeping things together. I stared out the windshield, watching the glow of the TV from my condo until my breathing was even again. When I finally slipped into the living room, both girls were asleep on the sofa bed, Kitty with her arm thrown around Mia.
I watched their sleeping faces, filled with regret for what I’d said. I’d been too harsh. They were just kids. They’d lost their brother, and nothing made sense anymore. Of course they were acting out. Of course they were seeking out good memories. Hadn’t I been doing the same thing? I wanted to wake them and apologize. But it was almost four in the morning, and I’d need to leave for work in a few hours. Sleep. That was what all of us needed.
Mia’s eyelashes fluttered. For a moment, I thought she might wake up and we could step outside and talk. But she turned away from me, facing her sister in her sleep. I kissed them each on the top of the head before I left for my room, feeling a rush of tenderness toward them. Things would be better tomorrow. Everything looked so different in the light of day.
Eighteen
When I passed into the living room a few hours later, I’d hoped to find the girls as I did most days, perched side by side with bowls of cereal on their laps as they watched TV. Mia would tease me about Alex, Kitty would spout off a random Chinese military proverb, and no one would have to say anything about last night.
But the living room was quiet. The TV flickered in the early-morning light. I glanced at Mia and Kitty, who’d buried themselves deep beneath the blankets, either asleep or pretending to be. I wanted to shake them awake and tell them I was sorry. But maybe it would be better to wait. Things might even resolve themselves, like my argument with Mia after the dinner party. By the time I returned home from work today, everything would be back to normal.
I was eating cereal in the kitchen when my phone buzzed with a text from Alex.I know this goes against the whole distance thing, but do you want a ride to work?
Yes, I replied. Because one, I didn’t want to fall asleep at the wheel, and two, even though our romantic relationship couldn’t go anywhere, that didn’t mean we couldn’t resume being carpool buddies.
I showered and dressed as quietly as I could, and when Alex’s van appeared outside, I paused by my desk and took a sheet of paper from the drawer. I didn’t need to leave a note to tell the girls when I’d be home. They knew the rhythm of my days. But it felt wrong to leave without saying something, so I wrote,Be home at 6, order food with my card.
“Rough night?” Alex asked, handing me a coffee when I shut the passenger door behind me.
“Ha.” I stifled a yawn. “That was... not great.”
