I met his gaze, wanting to believe the way he looked at me, like I was something he wanted, maybe the only thing. “I saw that woman leaving your condo last night,” I said. “New girlfriend?”
“You know I’m not seeing anyone.”
“It sure didn’t look that way.”
“Why would I lie about that?”
“I don’t know, Alex. Nothing you do makes sense. What am I supposed to think when you’ve got some woman leaving your apartment after saying you’reunavailable? All summer you’ve flirted with me one minute, then Nina the next. Who else are you flirting with, Belva?”
Alex laughed. “Not that Belva isn’t a catch, but no, I haven’t been flirting with Belva. And yeah, I flirted with Nina, too, but not because I was attracted to her.”
“So you were flirting with her because...?”
He took a step forward, then hesitated and turned away, running a hand through his hair. “Why are you making me do this?” he said.
“Do what?” I asked, but he continued pacing the parking lot in front of me and didn’t answer.
“Alex—”
He spun around to face me. “Everything with Nina was because I’m obsessed withyou, Jo! Anytime I caught myself paying extra attention to you, I’d shift my attention to her, so it wouldn’t be so obvious. I told myself I’d get over it, but you were always there—at work, at home. I tried to avoid you whenever I could, but then I had the brilliant idea to invite you to carpool with me.” He laughed, rubbing his face. “It seems ridiculous now, but I told myself you’d shoot me down, and then I’d see you weren’t interested, and could move on. But then you said yes! So that plan backfired.”
I stared at him, frozen in place. His avoidance of me at the beginning of the summer, the interest in Nina, I’d interpreted it all wrong. “But you said... when you caught me skinny-dipping in the pool, you said you didn’t think I was cute.”
He shook his head and took a step closer. “That’s not what I said. I said I didn’tsayI thought you were cute. Don’t you remember the night we met? I thought I made it pretty clear I was attracted to you. And for the record, you are more than cute.”
I fumbled for something to say. The distance between us was closing again. I wanted to give in and lose myself in kissing him, but things still didn’t add up. “If you’re so into me, why did you push me away on the beach?”
Alex sighed. “I didn’t push you away. I pressed pause. You were so upset... it didn’t feel like the right moment. Which is what I would’ve told you if you hadn’t run away. But the next day you said it was a mistake and to forget it, so I figured you meant it when you said it didn’t mean anything.”
“You wanted to kiss me then?”
“I’ve been tryingnotto kiss you all summer long. I almost did, more than once. I thought that was obvious.”
“I thought... well, I wasn’t sure. I couldn’t read you.”
Alex closed the distance between us, threading his arms around mywaist. My hands were on his chest, the steady rhythm of his heart beneath my palms like an anchor tethering me to him.
“I swore I’d never fall in love again, you know,” he said.
“Love?”
Alex pulled back, and there was only his heart beneath my hands and him, so close, that if I tipped forward, we’d be kissing again.
“Yes, Jo. I love you. You are frustratingly beautiful, and kind, and funny, and it’s making things very complicated.”
“How is that complicated?” I said, as that word,love, drumming in my mind, caught through me like wildfire.
Alex turned his face away from me. “Why are you making me do this?” he said again.
“Do what?”
He looked at me, and I recognized the sadness I’d seen in his eyes that night at Mitch’s. “I don’t want to hurt you.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Ah, fuck,” he whispered. He placed his hands over mine, and I could feel his heart beating faster. “Things are complicated because of the woman you saw leaving my place last night.”
The heat spreading through me cooled. I moved to drop my hands, but he held them beneath his. “But you said you weren’t seeing anyone,” I said. “The event planner, what does she—”
