“Yeah,” he said. “Friends.”
August
Fifteen
“Happy birthday month!” Nina sang when she met me down by the water. She plopped into a beach chair, wearing a gray one-piece with a floppy shark’s fin between her shoulder blades. “Hydrate me,” she said.
I passed Nina a water bottle from the cooler at my feet. It was the first day of August. Hot at ninety degrees, but a perfect beach day. The sky and ocean mirrored each other in color and stillness, blurring the boundary between them. Mia, Kitty, and I had decided to make a day of it. We had fruit and Pub subs in the cooler, a beach umbrella for shade, and plenty of sunscreen.
Nina may have been excited by my upcoming birthday, but everything inside of me shifted as soon as I’d woken up and realized August had arrived. Maybe I was imagining things, but I thought I noticed it in Mia and Kitty too. Since our conversation on the patio, things between Mia and me had gone back to normal again, but August meant a lot of things. My and Samson’s birthday. The girls’ return to an uncertain home life. Back to school, which I knew both girls were dreading. It meant returning to a clean and quiet condo, which wasn’t as appealingas it sounded. I only had twenty-four days to finish the list. Just over three weeks to work up the nerve to sing on a stage, get a tattoo, and figure out how to visit five countries. The girls were still hopeful we’d figure it out, but I’d always known it was impossible.
“So you and Hot Asshole are officially no longer carpooling?” Nina asked.
“I’ve already told you that’s an awful nickname. Just... gross. Why can’t you call him Hot Work Friend or something? He isn’t an asshole.”
Nina shrugged. “I think he’s pretty gross right now. But also hot. And also a total ass. It’s very confusing for me, actually.”
“Not reciprocating my feelings isn’t grounds for being an asshole, Nina.”
“It is in my book.”
I ignored her, knowing I’d never change her mind on that one. “But to answer your question, you are correct, we are no longer carpool buddies.” I closed my eyes and listened to the sure sound of the waves, trying to push away the embarrassment I still felt about the whole near-miss kiss with Alex. Things were mostly normal between us, but carpooling was one activity I couldn’t even pretend to deal with, because what if he brought upthe incident? I’d have no way to avoid the conversation except to bail out of the van at a red light, and that might ruin my knees, which Nina said were my best feature.They’re just so symmetrical, she’d said. I didn’t know what to make of my symmetrical knees being my best feature. What did that say about the rest of me?
Though I’d been the one to end the carpooling arrangement, part of me was hurt Alex had let it happen. Why didn’t he corner me in some part of the boat and promise not to talk aboutthe incident? Why couldn’t he reassure me that nothing had changed between us?What about the environment?I wanted to say.What about our carbon footprint?I missed him and his stories of growing up in the RV with his hippie family, of life in New York’s restaurant scene, of Greyson’s childhood antics. I evenmissed his playlists, though I hardly knew any of the songs. Now all I had were the same five Top 40 hits on loop and my own thoughts for company. (Spoiler alert: they were not pleasant company.)
“Speaking of Hot Asshole,” Nina said. I opened my eyes to find Alex (still hot, unfortunately) and Greyson making their way toward us with beach chairs strapped to their backs.
“Ugh.” I slid down in my chair and pulled my wide-brimmed hat over my eyes.
“Pretend you’re asleep,” Nina whispered.
“It’s awful, Nina. I want to be friends with him. I want to pretend nothing happened, but I can’t look at him without replaying that moment in my mind.”
Nina rested a hand on my shoulder. “You are a beautiful dove any human would be happy to kiss. Perhaps Alex is a Hot Alien? Greyson seems to know a lot about aliens for a human child, and it would explain a lot. Shh, stop talking.” She forcibly closed my eyes by passing her hand over my face. “He’s almost here. Keep your eyes closed.”
I pulled her hand away. “I don’t see how pretending to sleep would help.”
After dumping her chair in the sand, Greyson whizzed past us on her way to the water.
“This seat taken?” Alex asked after slinging the chair from his back and opening it up beside me.
“It’syourchair,” Nina said.
I shot her a look I hoped said,Hot Work Friend, not Hot Asshole.
“You know, you’re right.” He stripped off his shirt and sat down with a sigh. I tried not to look, but not looking at Alex without his shirt on would be like ordering a salad instead of pasta at a restaurant (which I would never do).
When I turned away, Nina narrowed her eyes at me in disapproval, and I gave her a look that said,Don’t blame me, blame pheromones!
“Hi, Jo.” Alex gave me a grin that, for whatever reason, still made me melt a little.
“Hi.” I tried not to sound like I was upset (because really, it wasn’t his fault), but I couldn’t come up with anything to talk about. The only conversation starters I had wereCan I borrow some sunscreen? Because you’re making me hot, andSorry I’m still painfully embarrassed about that time I tried to kiss you, but also why didn’t you kiss me?
We watched Mia, Kitty, and Greyson swim, their legs and the lines of their snorkels all we could see of them. I turned to Nina, hoping she could save me from having to come up with something to say. Why had Alex sat next to me? If he’d sat on the other side of Nina, at least there’d have been some space between us.
“So,” Nina, my beautiful mind-reading best friend, said. “The girls say our next item is singing onstage.”
Okay, not my favorite topic either. “Our next item? I think you meanmynext item. And where do you find these things?” I gestured to her shark bathing suit.
