Not for the first time I wondered what the story was with Greyson’s mom. Neither Alex nor Greyson had talked about it. “Was it hard,” I asked, “once her mom was, uh, gone?”
“It’s even harder now that she’s older. What do I know about being a teenage girl? You should’ve seen her face when we hadthe talk. And don’t get me started on her first period. She practically murdered me when I brought five different kinds of pads home.” I laughed at the image of Alex’s arms filled with flowered boxes of pads. “No, seriously. I don’t know how women do it. It’s like rocket science. Wings? No wings? And why does each pack only have one size? That makes absolutely no sense.”
“A man who knows the struggles of menstrual product shopping. How are you still single?” Alex raised an eyebrow at me. That had probably sounded like flirting. “I mean,whyare you still single?”Not a better question!I clamped my mouth shut to keep from saying anything else.
Instead of the joking response I expected, Alex nodded slowly, quiet for a moment. “Greyson’s mom and I were only dating when she got pregnant. We lived in New York at the time, and I was incredibly naive but made good money.” He lowered his voice, and I held my breath as he leaned in closer. “I was only twenty-two, but I felt like I had it all: great job, happy family. But then the excitement wore off for Maggie. She’d never been the settling-down type, but we both thought that would change once Greyson arrived. We broke up right around her first birthday and had shared custody until Greyson was two, when Maggie just... disappeared. I was sure something awful had happened to her, but we tracked her down in Los Angeles a few days later. She said she needed to find herself and that we’d be better off without her, and it’s been me and Grey ever since. Maggie gets the itch to see Greyson and visits every now and then, for a few days, sometimes a week. But she always disappears again without warning. I haven’t dated anyone since Maggie because it’s too complicated. Let’s say I did meet someone. Someone I’m really into and who ticks all the right boxes. I can’t just go for it. I’d have to think about how they’d fit into Greyson’s life, if they’d even want to be in it at all. I’d have to consider how it would affect Greyson if things didn’t work out. And if I can’t trust Greyson’s own mother to stick around, who can I trust?”
I stared at Alex. He was so easygoing that I’d assumed nothing could bother him. But there was a lot of hurt on his face as he talked about Maggie, and I realized there was more beneath that goofy exterior than I’d thought. “Greyson’s lucky to have you. You’re basically dad of the year.”
Alex leaned back into the couch and shook his head. “That’s nice of you to say, but you should’ve seen me four years ago. I didn’t know how to be there for Greyson, so it was easier to put work first. When Maggieleft, I was sous chef at this restaurant, Table. Great place. A year later I was recruited as executive chef at Mer Amère. Three years after that, the restaurant got its first Michelin star.” He smiled at the memory. “I told myself I’d slow down, but there was always something to go after—another star, another award. I madeFood and Wine’s thirty under thirty list. My career was taking off, but Greyson was miserable. She basically lived at our neighbor’s place. I was miserable too. I just didn’t know it. When you’re running a restaurant like that, it’s your whole life. Great money, horrible hours. Sometimes I’d work a hundred, a hundred and twenty hours a week easy.”
Alex laughed at my surprise. “I’m not kidding. I hardly slept for years. It was like working charter season all the time. Anyway, I was so angry with Maggie for leaving that I refused to see the ways I was leaving Greyson too. Fortunately, my dad knocked some sense into me—almost literally, by the way.”
“So what did you do?” I asked.
“In general? A lot of therapy. For me and for Greyson.” Alex put his hands behind his head and sighed. “To be more specific, one day, my dad calls and says his buddy—that’s Xav—knew a boat captain looking for a chef after theirs quit midseason. I was looking for a reason to leave New York and thought,It’s just a few weeks, why the hell not?I quit the restaurant, rented a place in Miami, and my parents stayed in our apartment with Greyson while I was gone. It was only supposed to be a few weeks, but after charter season, the captain asked if I wanted to do the off-season too. I’d planned to find work in a more casual restaurant once charter season came around again, but Greyson wouldn’t have it. She said she liked spending so much time with my parents and didn’t want me taking a job I was too good for. Her words, not mine.” He shook his head. “I’ve been working on yachts ever since, and my parents live with Greyson while I’m gone. I know it sounds unbelievable, but even being gone four months a year, I’m around more than when I worked at restaurants. Greyson’s first now, like she should’ve been all along.”
I thought about Greyson and how I’d liked her from the moment we met on the beach. We were similar, in a way, both abandoned by our mothers. But where I was closed off, Greyson was open. I was terrified to bring people into my life, but everyone was Greyson’s friend. I’d spent my life trying to hide from others, where Greyson had no fear of standing out.
I hadn’t had either parent, but Greyson had Alex, and despite his failings, it seemed to have made all the difference.
“Do you miss it? Running a restaurant?”
Alex looked at Greyson, who had Cheez Whiz dribbling down her chin. “Sometimes.” He slung his arm over the back of the couch, pivoting to face me. “Your turn. Why are you single?”
I shook my head. “What is this, a middle school slumber party?”
“I told you my secrets,” he said, eyes bright with mirth.
“Fine,” I sighed. “Three years ago I started dating this guy, Shitty Peter—”
“Hisnamewas Shitty Peter?”
I glared at him. “Of course not.”
Alex held up his hands. “Hey, there are some weird names out there. I need to make sure I have my facts straight. Please, continue.”
“Anyway, as I was saying before I wasrudelyinterrupted, we were together for two years. He cheated on me during charter season, and I dumped him.” No need to mention how I’d allowed him to make me someone I wasn’t, how he would make me feel like the most important person in the universe one day, only to tear me down the next. How he’d pushed everyone in my life away until he was the only one left. I was still ashamed of that, though Nina had told me a thousand times it wasn’t my fault. How could I not have seen what was happening?
“It made me realize I like having only myself to worry about.” Not entirely true. I didn’t like eating TV dinners alone, or the days I only had my thoughts for company. But loneliness was better than the alternative. I couldn’t take another heartbreak, and when you loved someone—romantically, or otherwise—there was no such thing as a happy ending. It was better to keep my circle small and minimize the damage.
“Sounds like Shitty Peter really earned the nickname.”
“He sure did.” I turned my attention back to the movie. It was too serious in here. I needed to lighten things up. I nudged Alex and nodded to the screen, where Zac Efron twirled around on aerial silks with Zendaya. “Let’s say I was interested in dating. Think I’ve got a shot?”
Alex squinted, looking me up and down for a moment. “Yeah,” he said, that almost smile on his lips when he turned back to the screen. “I think you do.”
July
Ten
On the night I decluttered the condo, I’d just finished sorting through the worst of my worn-out granny panties when Alex waltzed in holding the largest Tupperware I’d ever seen. Panicked, I grabbed all the underwear I had within reach, planning to shove them beneath my butt before he could see them. But I wasn’t quick enough, and instead of one pair of underwear, Alex caught me clutching a fistful.
“Oh,” he said, stopping short as soon as he stepped inside. “The door was open.” He scanned the living room. “Where are the girls? I thought they were supposed to help you with the decluttering.”
I hastily put the ugly underwear I was still holding into a nearby garbage bag. “They ditched me to have a shuffleboard tournament,” I said. “I believe Mia’s exact words wereDecluttering is boring AF.”
“And they thought shuffleboard would be any better?” He slipped off his shoes and held up the Tupperware. “Lasagna. Plate it or fridge it?”
