“I always have my...” But I let the words trail off when I pat my skirt and realize I donothave my radio. “That’s... weird.”
“Is it, though?” Britt says. She rolls her eyes so hard I’m worried they’ll fall off the boat. “I’m going to go check on the guests,” she adds before turning to leave the room.
“What’s with the attitude, Britt?”
“I don’t know, Nina, you figure it out,” she calls over her shoulder.
“I don’t know what’s gotten into you, but please don’t forget who’s chief stew around here.”
Britt turns to me. Anger and hurt flashes in her eyes. “I thinkyou’rethe one who’s forgotten!”
“What—”
“Why are you even here, Nina? You clearly don’t want to be.”
“Excuse me?”
“I thought you might snap out of it after charter season, but you haven’t. It’s only gotten worse.”
NowI’mangry. “What’s your point, Britt? I misplace my radiooncein ten years. Jesus take the helm!”
“It’s not just the radio!” Britt says. “You clearly don’t want to be here.”
“That’s not true,” I say. “I love this job.” The guests’ laughter floats into the salon from outside. Britt shakes her head and crosses the room to hurl herself onto the couch in front of me. She stares up at me, and it reminds me of the night I lashed out at Ollie after he sent our pervy guests to bed. A sliver of doubt works its way into my heart. I’m not over yachting, am I? I think of that moment in the wheelhouse with Xav when he told me it was okay if this job was no longer for me. I think of that night at Lotus, how I’d felt outside of it all, like I no longer belonged. I stare at Britt, who stares back, neither of us breaking eye contact. Is it really possible I don’t want to be here anymore?
It can’t be. Just the thought of quitting this job terrifies me. It reminds me of how I felt when my gymnastics career ended. Who am I if I’m not chief stewardess of theSerendipity? Especially now that Ollie is gone and Jo is getting married.
I sink onto the couch opposite Britt. “I’m just... having a hard time.”
“Because Ollie left?” Britt says.
“I... yes.” I hope that’s what this is about, because then this feeling of not belonging might fade along with the pain of missing him.Because that’s going so well, the voice in my head says.
“You miss him a lot, huh?” Britt says.
I stare at my knees. “Yeah.”
“You love him, right?”
“Unfortunately.”
“So what are you going to do about it?”
I sigh. “There’s nothing to do. I went to Ireland, told him I wanted him back, and he...”
“He what?”
“He walked away from me. He said he didn’t believe I’d changed.”
“Well, did you?”
“Did I what?”
“Did you change?” Britt asks.
“I... no. I didn’t.” I’d spent so much time trying to push away missing Ollie that I hadn’t even considered whether or not he was right. “I don’t know if I can.”
Amir’s voice comes over the radio, startling us both. “Britt. Nina. Amir here. Lunch is ready.”
