“Can’t you see I don’t want to talk about this right now?” I say, my voice harsher than I intended.
“I was only trying to cheer you up.”
“Why would looking athousesright now cheer me up?”
Ollie opens his mouth to say something but must think better of it, because he drops his phone into his lap and doesn’t say anything.
We both turn our attention back to the TV. Once my annoyance has cooled, I glance at him from the corner of my eye. He stares at the TV, his jaw set, no trace of the sunshine I’d seen there this morning. I don’t know what to feel. Looking at him makes me feel everything at once. Love, guilt—and fear. It’s all tangled up. Ollie is far too good for me. I’ve always known that. Maybe it’s why I can’t ever have him. Maybe that’s why I’ve never been able to let go of him either.
“I’m sorry,” I say, hoping to bring back a little bit of that sunshine. “It really does seem nice, but... Can we reschedule for next week? I just don’t think I can look at houses right now.”
“Of course, kitten,” he says. He draws gentle circles on my knee with a finger and shoots me a smile. “We’ve got time.”
He turns toward the TV again, and I watch as the smile slips from his face.
I turn to the TV too. The circles he draws on my knee are all that keeps me from panicking. The wordsWe’ve got timeecho in my head, but I’m starting to doubt we’ll have enough.
20
August
One night, nearly a month after the disastrous not-lunch with my parents, Ollie comes home after getting a drink with Alex and finds me in the kitchen washing the dishes.
“Well, hello there, Mr.Delightful. How’s your boyfriend?”
“He’s fine,” Ollie says. He tucks his hands into the pockets of his jeans and leans against the counter.
Odd. Ollie usually gushes about Alex after they hang out. Those two are almost as bad as me and Jo. But the Ollie standing before me is downright miserable.
“What’s—”
“Did you text Jo about scheduling dinner for this weekend?” he says.
“I... forgot,” I say.
He rubs a hand over his face. “Jesus, Nina.”
“What? Am I not allowed to forget things now and then?”
“Sure, but youdon’tforget things, Neen. You don’t forget to textyour best friend. And this is the third time you’ve either canceled last minute or forgotten. I told Alex I’d see him this weekend, and he had no fucking clue what I was talking about. So then I’m sitting there thinking,Nina didn’t text Jo, did she?Didn’t hear a fucking word Alex said after that.” He pulls his hands from his pockets and crosses his arms over his chest. “So?”
“What?” I turn to the sink and rub at a red stain at the bottom of the wineglass in my hands. I’ve known this conversation would come sooner or later, but I was really hoping for later.
“So what’s going on? We were supposed to tell them a month ago, and you keep stalling.”
“I’m not,” I say. I turn to him and hold up the wineglass. “We need new wineglasses. These are awful. I saw a set on Craigslist today that had to be worth a fortune.”
Ollie sighs. “Did you have time to look at the houses I sent you this morning? The second one is walking distance from World Thrift. If we want it, we need to act quickly. We’ve already lost three that were perfect.”
“The outlets were crooked.” I look at the wineglass in my hands. “Ugh, I give up on this. It’s beyond help.” I set the still-stained wineglass in the sink and pick up a plate instead.
“Nina,” Ollie says.
I can feel his eyes on me, but I don’t look up. I don’t want to have this conversation. I’m tired of it already. I see everywhere it can lead, and all the destinations are bad. “Do you think those wineglasses on Craigslist were stolen?” I say.
“Nina.”
“I ought to check if there have been any news stories about missing wineglasses lately.”
