I can feel Ollie watching me while Mom rambles on and on about their cute town house, but none of this makes any sense. She’s spent every spare moment over the last thirty-odd years making this house her own. They never even considered selling it back when Dad was gambling. It wouldn’t have helped. The mortgage was cheaper than rent would’ve been.
Something isn’t right. I can read the tension beneath Dad’s smile. Mom is obviously deflecting. I gaze around the kitchen, noticing things I didn’t the first time. The toaster is gone. All the photos and magnets have been taken down from the refrigerator.
I lean against the counter, my thoughts spinning, spinning, spinning, as if my brain’s been hurled into the washing machine on theSerendipity. I look between my parents, afraid to ask the question I already know the answer to. I’m not surewhoto ask... Mom. Or Dad.
Fuck it. I may as well address the room.
“Did you lose the house? Is Dad gambling again?”
My parents exchange a look. Suddenly, Ollie is at my side. He says my name, but I can’t respond to him right now. I can’t do anything other than wait for my parents to say something. To tell me I’m being silly. That this is all a misunderstanding. That they just wanted a change of scenery.
“I don’t want you to worry, sweetheart,” Dad says.
I laugh, but it’s something wild. Ollie is saying something again, but I can’t understand it. I can only focus on Dad.
“Are you?” I say.
He doesn’t have to say anything for me to know the answer. The look on his face is enough.
“But... I thought you were better. I thought this was over.” The panic that comes over me reminds me of the way I felt whenever I attempted beam after my injury, a panic so overwhelming that it hinders my ability to think or move.
“Really, sweetheart, it’s nothing to worry about,” Mom says.
That snaps me out of my stupor. Suddenly, I’m angrier atherthan him. For not telling me, for staying with him, for allowing him to ruin her life, mine. “How long has this been going on?”
“Oh, I don’t know,” she says, and drops her gaze to the counter. “Not long after we paid off the house.”
Three years?“Why didn’t anyone tell me?”
“We didn’t want you to worry,” Dad says.
“Well, I hate to break it to you, but I’m fucking worried.”
“Language,” Mom says.
“Why do you do this to yourself, Mom? How can you stay after everything he’s put us through?”
“It’s not that simple, Nina.” Her voice is calm, but I can tell she’s moments away from crying.
I turn to my dad. “And what about you? Don’t you have anything to say for yourself?”
Dad sighs. “I don’t know what you want me to say, Nina.”
That’s the moment I decide I’ve had enough. I need to leave. I turn to grab my purse, but Ollie already has it in his hands along with the car keys, which only makes me want to cry even more.
He places his hand on my arm, then turns to my parents. “I think it’s best if Nina and I head on,” he says.
Ollie steers me from the kitchen and to the door. I’m not sure if my parents follow us or if they stay in the kitchen. I’m not sure if they say anything as I leave the home I grew up in, maybe for the last time.
***
As soon as we return home, I make a beeline for the couch. I grab my laptop from where I left it on the coffee table and kick off my heels, leaving them in a heap on the floor. I can’t sit down right now. I carry my laptop to the kitchen and set it on the counter so I can stand.
Ollie follows me into the kitchen, where I’m trying to steady my hands enough to type.
He stands behind me and wraps his arms around my shoulders. “Hey,” he says, his voice soft in my ear. “Slow down, yeah? Take a minute.”
“I don’t want to take a minute.”
