I shake my head. “Why the hell would you do that?”
He gives me a pointed look.
Oh.I search for something to say but come up empty.
“I didn’t regret turning that job down once until that email. It made me feel like a fecking kid again. Da would get all pissed off at me, and I just had to show him he was wrong, even though Iknewnothing I did would ever be enough for him. Didn’t keep me from trying.”
“But Il Gabbiano... I thought you loved it there. I’m still shocked you quit.”
Ollie laughs bitterly. “Hated every second. Thought it would get better once I got used to it, but it never did. When I took the job, I finally emailed my da back and told him I didn’t work on yachts anymore. Told him I worked at one of the best restaurants in the Southeast. I shouldn’t have sent it, but I thought he’d see I’d made myself somebody.”
“You already were somebody,” I say.
“Thanks, kitten,” he says, and presses a quick kiss to my hair. “Anyway, he emailed me back the day I started the job. You want to know what he said?”
“I’m guessing I won’t like it.”
“All it said was ‘Good luck.’ Didn’t hear from him after that. Any time there was an article about the restaurant in the paper, I’d save it in this folder on my computer. It was like collecting evidence to prove I’d done the right thing leaving Ireland, and then leaving the boat, leavingyou, to work this job I hated. Whenever I wanted to quit, I’d imagine sending it to him.”
“Did you ever do it?”
He nods.
“And?”
“Never heard back.”
I rest my head against his shoulder. “You should’ve told me.”
Ollie sighs. “Wouldn’t have changed a thing, kitten.”
“It might’ve made you feel better.”
“I don’t think so.” He squeezes me tight against him before dropping his arm from around my shoulders. “You remember when I asked you if I should take the job?”
“I told you to do whatever you wanted.” I didn’twanthim to go, of course, but who was I to tell him what to do? The next I’d heard about it was at the post–charter season celebration when Ollie told me he’d taken the job and was quitting the yacht. “If you didn’t want the job, you should’ve said. I don’t know why you askedme.It’syourlife.”
Ollie shakes his head. “Because Iwantedto know whatyouwanted. I was hoping you’d say no. I was hoping you’d tell me to stay. But you didn’t, so I figured you didn’t care either way.”
“You can’t be serious.”
“What do you mean?”
“I’m not a fucking mind reader, Oliver.”
“Don’t like it when you call me—”
“Telling you to do whatever you want doesn’t mean I don’tcare.I didn’t want to sway you from the job if you wanted it. I didn’twantyou to leave, but I couldn’t take an opportunity like that away from you. How could I tell you to stay, when I can’t...”
“When you can’t what?”
I wish he would drop it. I wish he would simply let things be. “When I can’t give you what you want.”
“Can’t or won’t?”
I wave the question away. “The point is that our current... arrangement... gives you total control over your life.”
Ollie laughs. “Darling, if you think you have no sway over my life just because you won’t admit to being in love with me, you aren’t paying attention.”
