“Bills,” I say. “For therapy.”
He raises an eyebrow. “You’re telling me that you, Nina Lejeune, have gone to this much therapy?”
I nod, gaze returning to the two papers left in my hands. “And... there’s this,” I say, passing one over.
Ollie sets it on top of the others. The skepticism on his face turns into something else as he reads it.
“Is this...”
“My resignation letter.”
“You’re quitting the boat?”
“I already did. I am no longer chief stewardess of theSerendipity. Britt is, believe it or not. And—”
“Why?”
I stare at him. “Why what?”
“Why did you do all this?”
I look at the last paper in my hands, my one-way ticket to Ireland, and hold it out to him.
“Because you were right,” I say. “I didn’t want the life I had at all. I was just too afraid to change it because even if I wasn’t happy, I was safe. But it didn’t matter how safe I was. I lost the thing that mattered most.”
He runs a hand through his hair. “What—”
“You, Oliver Dunne,” I say. “You’re the thing that mattered most.”
He glances out the windshield, clearly distressed. “Jesus, Nina, I didn’t want you to give up your life. I never asked for that.”
“I know. That’s not what this is. I’m simply letting go of all the things that are holding me back, and I’m hoping it’ll be enough for me to deserve you.”
“That’s the most fecking ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard, Neen.” He shakes his head. His expression is torn. He looks like he wants to believe all this means I’ve changed but isn’t sure he should. “None of this has been about deserving me. It’s not like I’m some catch.”
“That’s not true.” I put a hand on his cheek, a spark of hope coursing through me when he doesn’t pull away.
“When I saw you in Ireland, you asked me what I wanted,” I say. Touching him is so delightful, I take his face between both hands. “I didn’t have an answer for you before, but I do now.”
“And what’s that?” Ollie says, his voice barely above a whisper.
I run my fingers through his hair. “I want you, first of all. I hope that’s obvious. I want you to withdraw the divorce petition, which I haven’t responded to, by the way. I want to be your wife, and I want everyone to know it. I want to be my own boss and start a party-planning business. Oh! Right. I forgot. I want to move to Ireland. I want to live in Cobh with you. There’s a gorgeous little three-bedroom I think is in our budget. I can send you the listing, if you like. I want to learn everything there is to know about theTitanicand any local ghosts and/or unsolved murders. I want to have a baby, sooner rather than later, and give it the most Irish name possible. But only if it’s a boy. A girl would be named Josephine, obviously, but we can call her Josie to avoid any confusion. I’m partial to Ciaran for a boy but am open to negotiations.” Ollie laughs, and I can see it, all of it, the life I want, right there in front of me, starting with this man whose face is in my hands. “How does that sound to you?”
“I—”
“Oh! And I forgot to say I’m sorry. For... pushing you away, and not hearing you about what you needed. I’m sorry it took me so long to tell you I love you, but I do love you, Ollie. I have the whole time. There hasn’t been a single day I haven’t loved you.”
“Nina—”
“If you don’t love me back anymore, if it’s really over, I understand. I don’t deserve another chance—”
“Nina—”
“I mean, it would be the biggest fucking loss of my entire life, but I can survive it, so I don’t want you to feel like you have to—”
Before I can finish my sentence, Ollie leans forward and kisses me hard, knocking the thought right out of my head. We’ve shared more kisses than I can count over the years, but this one is different. I’m not sure if it’s the kiss itself or me. I’m different. A person who can giveeverything, who can take a chance on love, onherself, even though she’s absolutely terrified.
When Ollie pulls away, I blink at him, kissed into a daze.
