A few deer appeared in silhouette against the grey light of the skyline. They looked up and then started, scattering in all directions as a dark horse, ridden hard, appeared out of the mist. She was not the only early riser.
Isabel stiffened as the horse came to a halt at the gate to the dower house. She pressed a hand to the cold, unforgiving pane of the window and her breath caught in her throat as Sebastian raised his hand in acknowledgment.
She turned abruptly and, stopping only to pull on a pair of shoes and an outdoor coat over her nightdress, ran down the stairs and out of the front door, startling the maid who had risen early to set the fires.
Sebastian had dismounted and waited for her, Pharaoh’s reins looped over his left arm. He put out his right hand as she ran towards him. She wanted to throw herself into his arms but the memory of the previous night slowed her footfall. If he touchedher she would die. She stopped just out of his arm reach and pulled the coat around her, holding herself tightly.
His hand dropped and he stood looking at her, his face haggard with exhaustion and strain.
‘Isabel, I wanted you to know that I didn’t... They...’
Her chin came up. ‘I know, but it makes no difference what I may think, Sebastian. They have played you for a fool and you must live with the consequences. The wedding should take place as soon as practicable if you are to have any hope of salvaging what is left of your reputation.’
‘I don’t give a damn for my reputation,’ he said with ferocity.
‘Well, you should. What the world thinks of you affects all of us within your sphere, most particularly your sister.’
His lips tightened and he looked up, over her head.
‘I will find a way out of this.’
She gave a low, humourless laugh and shook her head.
‘There is no way out. It was cleverly planned and expertly executed.’
He brought his gaze back down to meet hers. Seeing the naked despair in his eyes, her resolve weakened and she took a faltering step towards him. She caught her breath and straightened her shoulders.
‘I know one thing: I cannot remain here,’ she said. ‘As soon as this matter is settled, I will remove myself and go to my friend, Lady Ainslie. She will take me in and we will proceed with our plans... somehow…’ She heard her voice take on a high, almost hysterical note.
His hands, by his side, clenched and he looked away.
Every fibre in her being cried out to touch him, to put her hand on his arm, tell him that she was still his friend and she would comfort him. In the darkest hour of the night, she had wondered if she could defy society’s expectations of her and become his mistress, but she knew in her heart that he would not want that. He was a good, honourable man and, once he hadmade a commitment to another woman, however unwanted, he could never come to her.
His brown eyes met hers. ‘This is your home, Isabel. I will not let a chit like Fanny drive you from it.’
She smiled and shook her head. That ‘chit’ had already driven her from the man she loved. She would not stay. She could not. To do so would be to face daily humiliation.
He turned back towards his horse and leaned his head against the horse’s neck.
‘You must do what you think best,’ he said, his voice heavy with defeat.
He gathered Pharaoh’s reins in his right hand, swinging himself with ease into the saddle.
He looked down at her. ‘Just one thing before I go. Do you recall the saddle you gave Anthony?’
She nodded. ‘Yes. I gave it to him for his birthday. I thought—’ she broke off.
The saddle had been a peace offering, a thanks for the few happy months they had enjoyed with the new baby. That had been before William’s death.
‘When Anthony had his accident, did you give an order for the saddle to be destroyed?’
She looked up at him and shook her head. ‘No. I didn’t even think of it. Why? What has happened to it?’
Sebastian shook his head. ‘I’ll explain later. Tell Miss Lynch I will see both her and her brother in the library at noon.’
Without waiting for a reply, he put his heels to the horse. Pharaoh, obedient to his touch, sprang away, and she watched man and horse until they rounded the bend in the carriageway that ran between the dower house and the big house.
She wrapped her arms tighter around herself, feeling that if she didn’t do so, she would shatter into a thousand pieces on the ground.
