“I’m glad.” Jude met my gaze, and something warm passed between us, a fresh-baked cinnamon-roll moment, the rare treat of finding understanding and connection. His hand flexed again.
Mine did too. What harm would a quick touch do?
“Hey, Jude.” A woman around Jude’s age sidled up to our table before I could carry through with my impulse. Her nametag introduced her asMary, and she had short blonde hair. With none of my internal dithering, Mary laid a casual hand on Jude’s shoulder. “We need a pic with the old crew.” Her gaze flitted from Jude to me. “Oops. I’m being rude. Who’s your friend?”
“Mary, this is my friend Carson.” Jude made the necessary introductions. “He works on a ranch near Lovelorn.”
“Awesome.” Mary’s shiny pink lips stretched into a welcoming smile. “How long have you been together?”
“We’re not…” Sputtering, Jude made a vague gesture. He sounded not unlike me when I had an aphasia moment. “Not like that.”
“Ah. Friend friends. Didn’t know you did those.” Mary’s voice was the lightest of teases, but it landed like a brick in my gut. Which was silly. What did I care that Jude had a reputation?
“Maybe I’ve changed.” Jude’s expression soured, but Mary kept right on beaming cheerfully.
“Doubt it.” Smile never wavering, she dragged Jude off for the group photo she’d mentioned, leaving me alone with my whirling thoughts.
Earlier, at the equine hospital, Jude had made it sound like he might be up for something exclusive when I’d said I didn’t share well. I’d never had exclusive anything before, but I’d learned the hard way that jealousy was the quickest way to ruin a friendship. I didn’t particularly like my brain’s inability to stay casual with a jerk-off buddy, and Jude was already so much more than that. I had no idea where this thing between us was headed, but I wanted Jude all to myself while I figured it out.
Could Jude stick to exclusive though? He’d said he’d changed, but watching him laugh and socialize with old friends, I wasn’t sure what to think. He’d been rather quick to deny we were anything other than friends.
Because you said you wanted privacy, dumbass.
Ihadbeen the one to say no one needed to know. Grumbling at my own ridiculousness, I forced myself to look away and rubbed my temples before busying myself with my phone until Jude finished with all the picture taking.
“Ready to go?” he asked.
“Yeah.” I stood before he even finished the question. My ability to lie was rapidly diminishing. I was unsure how to give voice to my churning thoughts, so I stayed quiet until we were in the elevator on the way back to our hotel room.
“Sorry for the awkwardness with Mary.” Jude exhaled hard, briefly closing his eyes. “Wasn’t trying to out you. I hadn’t thought about others assuming we’re a couple.”
“No problem.” I couldn’t seem to summon a smile.
“You okay?” Jude tilted his head, peering more closely at me.
“Just tired.” I hadn’t meant to worry him with my silence. And surprisingly, Mary’s assumption that we were a couple was far less of a concern than Jude’s quick denial.
Years of being in what had felt like a necessary closet had made secrecy vital, but being a civilian was a whole new ballgame. My brother was out and living his best life. Standing back, quietly seething with jealousy every time Jude smiled at someone else wasn’t the future I wanted, but I also lacked certainty about what I did want. Fuck. I really was tired.
Of thinking.My overloaded brain gave a weary creak.
“You want a nap before dinner?” Jude asked as we exited the elevator and headed to our room. Jude was faster with his keycard and held the door open for me. I brushed by him, catching a whiff of whatever outdoorsy cologne he’d splashed on hours earlier.
“Nope.” A nap was the last thing I wanted. I was going to smell fir and get hard for the rest of my life thanks to Jude. What I wanted was to pour all my doubts and dithering into him, drop all my questions and uncertainty by the door, and drag him to the nearest bed.
So I did.
“Whoa.” Jude made the cutest startled noise as I stopped by the foot of the bed and pulled him in for a kiss.
Fuck waiting for him to make a move. I wanted this. He wanted this. Impatience surged through me as I kissed him firmly. Maybe too firmly. Hell. I was overthinking worse than Jude now.
Shutting down my free-roaming thoughts, I kissed him the way I wanted to, deep and all-consuming, the way he had the night before. Luckily, Jude responded with a low moan, kissing me back like I was the last churro on the dessert buffet, and he was as starving as I was. He tasted like cinnamon and spice and barely restrained need.Yum.
Continuing to kiss him, I reached for the snaps on his western shirt. He released a shaky laugh but didn’t stop me.
“Well, guess that answers my question about a repeat tonight.”
“Why wait?” I jerked my head in the direction of the bed behind us.
