He turned and rested his hands on the windowsill, looking out across the estate.
“It costs one point two million pounds a year to keep the lights on and everything ticking over,” he said. “Thank God for the rents. I’ve been doing my best these past three years, but I wasn’t raised to do this. I was the spare. I wasted my educationplaying rugby and reading fantasy novels. David would have known what to do.”
I thought of our picnic in the bluebell woods, of all the stories William had told me today, of the obvious pride he took in his family’s centuries of achievement at Buckford. This place was so a part of William, I couldn’t imagine him selling it. Yet the stress it was causing him was clear.
“What happens if you sell?” I asked, tucking my legs up under my chin.
“After I’ve paid all the debts, I’d probably walk away with about forty million pounds.”
I choked like my throat had rediscovered its gag reflex.Jesus!William waited for me to recover.
“I’d have to look after Mum and my sister and her family out of that, obviously.” He turned around to face me again, resting his arse against the windowsill. “I know, it’s very hard to feel sorry for me, isn’t it? It’s not exactly Sophie’s Choice.”
“It’s a lot of money.”
“I’d be failing my family.”
This was something I knew a bit about.
“It’s not failing your family to choose a good life for yourself. It’s failing yourself to choose the expectations of others over your own happiness.”
“You don’t understand. I have an obligation to my family, to this place.”
I felt my hackles rise but chose compassion. “You don’t. You can choose a different life for yourself.”
William slapped a hand to his face and wiped at his eyes. I wanted to comfort him but worried a hug might be unwelcome.
“You think I should sell,” he said. It was a statement, not a question.
“No,” I said, quickly. “I’m saying you need to choose what’s right for you. When I finally told my parents I wasn’t going toOxford to study law, that was me choosing my own happiness. It was the hardest thing I ever did. Harder than coming out. But it was the best thing I ever did. I’m not telling you what your decision should be. I’m telling you to choose whatever is going to makeyouhappy—and sod whatever anyone else thinks.”
William’s leg was bouncing up and down. I sensed I’d pushed him too far. We were high. He’d opened up, I’d got behind the himbo facade, seen into his soul. I feared he might push me away now, when what I really wanted was for him to pull me closer.
“You think less of me, I’m sure,” he said when he finally spoke. “Now you know I’m not some rich aristocrat but a himbo who’s drowning in debt.”
“Don’t be silly. Of course not.”
“If I choose family expectations and debt, though—if that’s what happiness means to me—would you think less of me?”
Walking away from £40 million and choosing debt and family expectation?The Love Manorhad filled this house with two dozen people willing to do anything for cash, and here was William willing to walk away from unfathomable wealth out of, what, a sense of duty?
“Not at all.” How could you think less of anyone for that?
“I thought you’d run a mile,” he said, looking at me earnestly. “Any sane person would run a mile.”
I was high enough that it took a moment to realise what he’d said. William’s choice of words only made sense if hewas interested in me after all. Had he been holding back because he thought I wouldn’t be interested in him when I discovered all was not rosy at Buckford Hall? He might not have known how much trouble he was in, but he knew he was in trouble.
“I’m still here,” I said.
William’s eyebrows drew together. “Why?”
“No liege man left behind.”
He smiled. He lay down on the bed, on his side—his red satin boxer shorts cupping him in all the right places—and held out an arm towards me. His eyes met mine. He patted the duvet cover beside him.
“Come here.”
My heart raced at the invitation, adrenaline rippling out from my chest. I wasn’t meant to be getting distracted by boys. I was here to work. But I found myself crawling across the bed towards him, my arms and legs wobbling like a newborn deer’s. I laid my head down on the pillow, my eyes meeting William’s. Was he going to kiss me?
