I watched him disappear through the barn-style doors, fisting my hands in my pockets to stop them trembling. I didn’tchase him. I turned on my heels and went back into the Old Coach House.
“Is everything all right?” Thandiwe asked.
Haruto handed me my glass of champagne. “You look like you could use this.”
I downed it in one. “Have we got anything stronger?”
Haruto refilled my glass. Thandiwe turned down the music. This should have been my moment of triumph, but instead, I felt like I’d dropped something precious and watched it smash on the floor.
Chapter 46
William
Irode Achilles hard across Home Field and through the ancient oak woodland to Buckford Hill—the place I always found it easiest to breathe. But when I got there, I found three old women dressed in rags, standing in the stone circle. As a fantasy reader, it rang alarm bells. I dismounted, letting Achilles roam, and nodded at each of them in turn.
“Peggy. Aunty Karma. Mother.”
Mum rushed over to me, raking her hands through my hair. “William, my poor baby, have you been crying?”
“Certainly not, you batty old crone.” I pulled myself free of her, hoping to restore a little dignity. “You’re perfectly aware it’s high pollen season. It’s hay fever. What are you all doing up here, anyway? You appear to have forgotten your cauldron.”
“Preparing for the solstice,” Mother said.
Aunty Karma grabbed my jaw and peered into my eyes like she was inspecting my soul.
“We are at the summer’s peak, William. Before the turn to darkness. Everything must change.”
I squinted. “Is that Byron? I was never very good with the Romantic poets.”
“There’s a lot weighing on your spirit, William,” Aunty Karma said. “You should come along tonight. Let the night air cleanse you before the dawn that must come.”
I wasn’t in the mood for this batshittery. I was in the mood for wallowing in self-pity. But Karma was right, there was a lot weighing me down. A fresh wave of tears spilt hot down my cheeks.
“What is it, darling?” Mum said.
I clenched my jaw to stop my lip trembling—and it all tumbled out. Everything I was worried about. The estate, the tax bill, the auction, the bloody press, the fact we’d lied to everyone about our engagement.
“Is that everything?” Karma asked.
Mum shook her head. “Come on, spit it out.”
“He’s finished his big edit,” I said, finally. “He’s going to film the promo for Buckford tomorrow and work on it next week, but then his reason for being here is gone. This time next week, he’ll be on his way to London, and I don’t want to lose him. But I want him to achieve his dreams. He’s so determined about his pitch for Indira that I can’t see a way for us to build a life together—not when I so clearly need to be here. I love him. And I can’t have it all.”
“Have you asked Petey Boy whathewants?” Peggy said.
“Pardon?”
“Not being funny, but have you two actually discussed what you want? Or have you been so busy playing hide the sausage you forgot to ask?”
I sniffled, then wiped my nose on my sleeve, giving myself time to process this extraordinary statement.
“I know what he wants,” I said. “He spends all his free time coming up with TV show ideas that’ll take him back to London.”
“So he told you he wants to go back to London?”
I nodded. “As good as.”
Mother was shaking her head. “Oh, William. I raised you to be smarter than that. The trouble with you, darling, is you think love means shielding people from hurt—like that knight in your books.” Her voice softened. “But you couldn’t shield your father or your brother. You can’t shield Petey either. You have to trust him to make the right choice for himself. That’s love.”
