“What’d he do this time?”
“Why do you always assume it has something to do with Blake?”
Kira stares at me blankly, slowly blinking. “Really? I’m pressed for time this morning, so how about we skip the parts where you’re pretending everything is okay and you jump right to venting so I can be the supportive best friend I am.”
An exasperated huff leaves my lips. “It’s the same shit, different day. I don’t know what you want me to say. There’s really nothing for me to vent about.”
“You do hear yourself, right?” she asks, her eyes narrowing in on me.
“For fuck’s sake, Kira, don’t give me that look.”
“Would you rather I lay into you then? You’ve been complaining about the same problems with your relationship with him damn near the entire time, Bristol. What’s it going to take before you finally leave?”
It’s easy for her to say when she doesn’t know all the facts. My stomach forms a hard knot at the thought. We’ve never kept secrets from each other in our entire twenty-year friendship. But this just isn’t something I can share. The moment she finds out Blake got his company to become the donor for Bloomfield Animal Haven, she’ll lose her shit. Because, unlike my blinded ass, she will see it exactly for what it was in the first place. Control.
Kira continues talking from the video chat on my phone, her rich voice nagging me as she leans over the sink, and subsequently her phone, giving me an eyeful of her boobs spilling out of her bra as she gets ready for the day.
“I don’t know, Kira. I’m figuring things out. You’re right, okay? I’m unhappy in my relationship, but I fill my life with things that do make me happy. Blake and I are figuring things out, I promise. Everything is going to be okay,” I state with as much conviction as I can muster. Even if everything is so far from okay right now.
“You don’t love him, I’m not going to stand by quietly and let my best friend, the person I love the most in this world, marry someone she isn’t in love with.”
She’s right. What I feel for Blake isn’t love. And what he feels for me? Possession. I’m a commodity. Marrying me is a sign of status for him and his position at work in social circles. I know it. Kira knows it. But what I’m not ready to do is admit to her why, for right now, I have to stay. I know she supports my dream of running this animal shelter as much as I support hers as an author, but choosing to temporarily stay in this relationship so my business doesn’t collapse isn’t something she’d understand or take lightly. But I would doanythingfor these animals. Including biding my time a bit longer in a relationship that is eating me alive. Even if all I really want is to have a relationship that lights me on fire, with someone who can’t get enough of me.
Someone like Rhys.
“Bristol, don’t bullshit me. Who are you talking to here? I know you better than anyone. Where’s the girl I grew up with who stood up for herself and never would have settled for something that didn’t light her on fire.”She’s been beaten down, slowly, methodically, and there’s not much of her left standing.
“I know, Kira! I know! For fuck’s sake, I know, okay? Why are you calling anyway, just wanted to see my face and start myday off by making me feel like shit?” I snap, knowing that she doesn’t deserve my wrath and immediately regretting my words.
Kira pinches her face together.
“I’m sorry. I love you, and I know that’s not an excuse for being so adamant, but goddamn, Bris, I wish you could see yourself the way I do. I just want you to be happy, and I know you had your heart set on a life that was written in the stars. That’s not with Blake. But I’ll back off and respect that you’re a big girl who can make her own decisions. I trust you, and no matter what happens, I’ll always be by your side to support you. If that means picking up broken pieces someday, so be it. I’m your ride or die.”
“Really?”
“Really. I’ve got you. Always. In fact! I’m going to make up my shittiness to you.”
“And how are you going to start your apology tour?” I joke, the tension between us disappearing. That’s how it’s always been, and it’s something I’m grateful for. I wish I could lean on her through the shit I’ve found myself in, but I just need to get the shelter situated first, and then I know she’ll be the first person at my house to help me pack up my things and move out.
“Coffee, of course.”
My heart sinks. Coffee has always been my and Kira’s thing. But lately, I associate coffee with Rhys. Guilt washes over me.
“I have time for coffee. Usual spot?” I ask.
Kira winces, squinting her eyes.
“Sooooo. I overslept. Aaaaand I’m notin Bloomfield.”
“Where the hell are you if not in Bloomfield, Kira?”
“Okay, this is going to sound insane, but I’m in this tiny-ass town and just spent all weekend with a guy I met through a mutual friend in the writing world. His name is Trey, and he’s fucking gorgeous. He’s sweet and considerate in all the right ways, but Jesus have mercy, that man is a beast in bed. And in the kitchen. And on the stairs. Bris, trust me when I say, I think he might be the one.”
“Oh my god, Kira, you’re ridiculous. The day you settle down is the day cows jump over the moon.”
“Alright, whatever, don’t believe me. But I’m telling you right now, I think he could turn me into a monogamy-loving girl. My love life aside, I’ve got a plan.”
Please no.
