“I don’t mean to be,” she whispers, “I’m trying, Logan, I really am, but all I can think about is the hurt I put you through, the disappointment Granny must have felt,” she looks at me, her eyes teary, “I really thought I was doing the right thing for you, for our daughter. I knew my mother would have tried to notonly kill our child but to bring your club and you down but I was still thinking, ‘I need my Logan, I need his help’. Then your mother came in with the threats and even though she thought I miscarried, she still decided to explain what she would have done if the paper still said pregnant and I panicked. We never spoke of our childhoods or what we were put through so I didn’t know that there was hate with your mother, I didn’t know she tried to make you a girl then force a woman on you, because you never told me, so in that moment, when I sat in that hospital bed, I really thought I was doing the right thing at that moment in time and the reason why I never came to you is because I knew I would change my mind instantly.”
I sigh as I press my nose against her head, our daughter’s giggles flowing around us while Coby and Simba bark playfully, so I know she’s now playing with the dogs happily.
“I never should have left,” Jas whispers, “I regret going, heck, I regretted it as soon as I got in my car and drove.”
“Then why did you stay away for so long?” I finally ask the question that has been on my mind for so long.
“Because the longer I stayed away, the more I was convinced you moved on and that I needed to let you go even if it destroyed me,” she chokes, “It got harder to be able to come back, even when I was struggling and barely eating just so Ais got what she needed, I didn’t think I could come back.”
I gently run my fingers through her hair as I place my lips against her head.
“It won’t change overnight, buttercup,” I rasp, “I’ll probably struggle, I will most likely resent you for a while, especially when I find out new things about Ais, and sometimes I’ll close myself off, but that is just me processing everything. I hurt for so long Jas, so fucking long because you didn’t just take our child, you took my home within you away from me and I was living through the motions and I just need you to bear with me, to see that I doin fact love you. I just want time and I want you to see that you are my forever, and to fucking trust me.”
Jas moves her head, and we lock eyes, and nothing but love shines back at me as she swears, “I promise that I will always trust you, that I’ll fight for you, for us as you did six years ago, and I promise to never take you for granted. I love you, Logan.”
I nod as I cup the back of her head and pull her towards me before pressing my lips against hers, sparks instantly flashing before me. Then I murmur, “We’re going to be alright, buttercup,” and she nods before pressing her lips back against mine, and I lick the seam of her lips, which she opens instantly, before our tongues touch and fuck me, I’m home.
I tilt her head and deepen the kiss before we hear, “Daddy,” and I grin against Jas’s lips at our daughter's giggle, and my girl smiles in return, and I know deep down, the past, the shit with her mother, what she had to do, we’ll heal, together. We are going to be okay.
I know we’re going to spend the rest of our lives building love and trust, and within a few months, she’ll have my ring on her finger, and in a few years, we’ll have another baby on the way while she’s working with her uncle at family law, and my resentment will be gone.
Mark my fucking words, life without Jasmine Williams is no life at all. I’ve already learned that over the past six years.
Epilogue
Jasmine – Three Years Later
I groan as I remove my black kitten heels and place my briefcase onto the side table near the front door, then throw my car keys in the bowl before stretching, my back completely aching.
I’ve been working as a paralegal with Uncle Charms for the past two and a half years. I swear, today was probably the longest day I’ve ever had with him.
Some father came in claiming a lot of crap about his ex-wife, not realizing that said ex-wife was already my uncle's client.
He lost it when we refused to work with him, so I spent most of the day doing paperwork to sue for full custody of the children the man shared with his ex when he threatened to run away with them.
I did think about going back to law school, but after having Sage, our now two-year-old daughter, I knew I couldn’t work allthe hours and be away from our girls, especially when Aisling, who's now eight, has a lot of ballet recitals.
I’m a mama first and foremost, and my uncle thankfully understands, while Logan, my husband, and yes, I said husband, loves that I’m home most days for our daughters.
One month, that is all it took for Logan to drag me to the courthouse with the brothers, my dad, and brother in tow to marry me. I can admit, there wasn’t much dragging needed.
I don’t know why, but as soon as he slid that ring on my finger, my granny’s ring at that, all the old doubts faded. I finally realized he really was never going to leave me, and my heart felt more secure than it ever had before, it quieted that voice in my head.
While I still think of Granny and the fact I left the way I did, that I wasn’t there for her when she died, I’ve forgiven myself. Brady is right, I did what I needed to in that moment. While I should have come home sooner, in my mind, my daughter was at risk, and so was the man I loved. I’ve forgiven myself, plain and simple. It helps that I know Logan no longer resents me, just like he said he wouldn’t. He just needed time to come to terms with everything because he understood. While having Sage was a little difficult at times, instead of shying away, Logan would ask me if certain things she did matched what Aisling did at that age. Most of the time, it was a no.
Sage was a colicky baby, whereas Ais was quite easy and that information alone helped ease Logan, knowing I didn’t struggle in that sense.
I walk into the living area, ready to find my girls, when Logan himself strolls in from outside wearing his usual jeans, shirt, and cut, and I grin widely at the handsome man while Simba and Coby rush over to me to welcome me home.
“How was work, buttercup?” Logan asks as he wraps his arm around my waist, his other hand cupping my five and a half month bump because yes, we’re pregnant again.
“Tiring,” I admit, and he hums and questions, “Our boy kicking continuously?”
“No, thankfully, though he did jolt my bladder a few times,” I admit as I lean into Logan, who chuckles as he rubs his hand over my bump.
This is going to be our last baby, it’s something we both agreed on, and Logan even went and got snipped because it was easier than having my tubes tied.
Sage’s pregnancy wasn’t easy by any means, and the birth was quite traumatic.
