I rub my thumb along her cheek, and I whisper, “We’re going to be okay,” and she lets out a sob, breaking my heart.
I lean forward and press my nose against her head as I inhale her scent and squeeze my eyes shut while laughter from the brothers echoes in the common room.
Taking a life isn’t easy, the guilt consumes you, and I just hope I can save my girl from this, especially when we might be bringing another baby into the world.
Fuck, another baby…
Chapter 29
Jasmine – One Week Later
I gently rub my fingers through Aisling's hair as she watches all the new people in the clubhouse, and I zone out, my mind continuously going a million miles an hour.
Every time I close my eyes, all I see is Mama’s dead cold ones, I see the blood surrounding her when I blacked out, when I panicked for my daughter's safety, for my baby’s.
***
“You’re eight weeks, buttercup,” Logan says softly, and I turn my head and look at the screen.
Despite Logan being on sabbatical, we’re at the hospital, the sterile hallway a stark contrast to the clubhouse's bustle.
After giving me a few days to try and get my wits about me, he asked his dad to watch Aisling while he brought me in, and without a word to anyone, including that nurse Nell who rushed away when she saw him which confused me until he mentioned Doc threatened her job. He brought me into one of the rooms before grabbing the monitor.
Not sure how I feel about the man I love moving something covered in lube inside me that isn’t him…
“Eight weeks,” I whisper, and he hums as he presses a few buttons, and a ‘whoosh,-whoosh’ echoes, and my tears fall as I look at the wonder and awe on Logan’s face, and guilt fills me yet again.
He missed all this with Aisling, and I don’t think I’ll ever forgive myself for it.
***
The baby was created the first time we slept together again, when he walked away full of hurt and anger.
This baby has come at the worst time.
Logan has not long learned that he was a father, that he lost five years of her life, missed everything because of me, and now, here I am, knocked up again with his second child and will most likely bring back a lot of bad memories, the resentment, the anger, everything I know I deserve.
I feel like I’m failing at everything. I mean, I knew Mama was searching for me, yet I still stupidly took Aisling to that store without Vincent, without letting anyone know, and I am very much aware I wasn’t thinking straight because I realized I was late, but that isn’t the point. I put our daughter and our unborn baby at risk and nearly lost them both.
I put them in danger. I put myself in danger when I knew what my mother is - was - like.
***
The hallway light spills onto my bare feet as I stand in the doorway, clutching my teddy. “Why are you out of bed?!” Mama demands and I sniffle, “I had a nightmare…”
She curls her lips as she swirls her red wine, and I slowly walk over to her wanting a cuddle, but just as I lift my arm, Mama grips it hard, making me cry out in shock, before I’m being dragged down the hallway towards the kitchen.
“Mama!” I cry, “You’re hurting me…”
***
The quiet rustle of the room settles before Aisling's whispered, “Mama?” hits me and I blink and look at her, giving her a soft smile.
“Yes, bumblebee?” I ask as I continue to run my fingers through her hair.
“Are you okay now?” she questions, her eyes searching mine.
Am I? No, not really but a big part of me knows that I will be—because I have her, I hope I have Logan, and I’m having a baby. My feelings shift between doubt and hope as I think of what lies ahead.
