“I want to see daddy,” Aisling whispers, and my eyes tear up.
I asked Nurse Nell to call him to her room so she could say goodbye, but she snapped he wasn’t on shift today, so I had to deal with an upset five-year-old.
I did leave my number with the receptionist so he could get a hold of me, even if it wasn’t safe. I can’t keep them apart, not again anyway.
Unlocking the car, I open the back door for Aisling before rounding to the trunk just as I hear a rumble of pipes, and I look to my right just as Aisling shouts, “Daddy!”and my heart flips watching as she rushes over towards him.
“Careful, bumblebee, let him pull up,” I call, and she quickly stops and bounces on her toes as Logan pulls up next to her. Then, as if on instinct, he leans down and picks her up before switching his bike off.
“Hey, sweetheart,” Logan murmurs, and I look at them with awe and regret before our eyes connect, and I flinch at how hard his grey eyes are, the hate shining in them.
Double damn.
I swallow hard as I look away, giving them a moment, not coping with how much he despises me, and I lift the bags into the trunk while the piece of paper I couldn’t bring myself to leave with the receptionist out of fear burns a hole in my pocket.
“I’ve been discarded,” Aisling says, and I shake my head as a small smile appears and say, “Discharged, bumblebee, you’ve been discharged,” without looking at them as I shut the trunk.
“Oh yeah, discharged,” she says happily.
I swear that girl.
“That’s awesome, sweetheart,” Logan says, his voice sounding nearer, and I look in time to see him gently placing Aisling in the back seat on her booster, clicking her in. “I’ve just got to speak to Mama, alright?” he says as he leans in and kisses her head, and our girl nods, making him smile as he leans back up and shutsthe door, then leans against it, crossing his arms over his chest, his sole attention now on me.
I fiddle with the car keys, not knowing what to say.
I used to be able to talk to him without a care. It used to come easy, but I hurt him, I walked away without a word, I lost him…
“I need you to follow me to the farm,” he finally says when I don’t, and a lump forms in the back of my throat.
He’s going to lose it, I can feel it.
“I can’t,” I whisper, the first words I’ve said to him in a week.
Don’t get me wrong, every day he’s come in and watched Aisling sleep, I’ve wanted to speak up, to explain why I left, why I kept her away, but I just, I couldn’t, the guilt is killing me, and even now, I’m leaving again.
I’m leaving him, the life we should have had, for the sake of Aisling's safety, for his and I can’t even tell him why because Mama will destroy him, which then would ruin me and god knows what the fallout will entail with his mother.
Despite it being six years, this man is still my everything. I gave him my heart, my whole heart, and I never took it back, and I never will.
“You can and you will, Jasmine,” he snaps, and I flinch at his tone. “Follow me back to the farm, we need to talk,” he demands.
With a trembling hand, I grab the piece of paper in my jeans pocket and hold it out to him without making eye contact, and as soon as he takes it, I say, “This is my new address. Please make sure no one gets hold of it. You can see Aisling whenever you want as long as it’s inside that apartment,” I finally get the courage to look at him and finish, “I have a job to get back to, Aisling has school. I left my number with the receptionist as well. I didn’t want that address getting out.”
His eyes harden some more, something I didn’t think was possible, and he begins to look feral as he sneers, “You are notleaving, and you certainly are not taking my fucking daughter with you!”
Everything inside me wants to cup his cheek, to rub my thumb along his chiseled jaw and explain everything, to beg for forgiveness, but instead I admit, “We’re not safe here, Logan.” I look in the back of the car, and I choke, “Tell your daughter you’ll call her later.”
I can feel his tension, his anger, and I squeeze my eyes tight as I hear, “Daddy has to get to work, sweetheart, so I’ll call you in a little while, alright?”
“Okay, Daddy,” Aisling replies before I hear the car door shut, then feel his presence, but I don’t open my eyes, even as he threatens, “If you think I’m going to let you take her two fucking hours away from me, then you have another thing coming. You’ve already kept me from my daughter for five fucking years, missing all the milestones like a bitch. I won’t let you make me miss more, so get your ass in your car and follow me home, or I'll lawyer up!”
Damn…
My eyes burn with unshed tears as my body trembles at his threat.
Gone the boy I fell in love with, the boy I was starting a life with, and in place a man I hurt, a man full of pain and anger.
What have I done?
