I miss Logan, Granny, my uncle. I miss the life I was slowly getting, the one I forced myself not to dream of.
“Mama, Mama, guess what, guess what,” Aisling shouts, gaining my attention and I swallow the lump forming.
I quickly wipe my face as I look towards the hallway just as she runs my way, her light brown, curly hair up in her usual bun, hergrin wide as she tries to hold up her pink tutu that is way too big for her little body. I got it for ninety-nine cents at a thrift store.
Who knew I’d have a daughter who was obsessed with ballet when I tried to run away from it, huh?
Her eyes, eyes that look just like her father's, twinkle with happiness, and I smile slightly despite the sadness I always feel.
No one knows she exists, not even Doc, the man who is in the brotherhood with her father, the man who saved me from my mother who tried to beat her out of me.
“I just wanted to come check on you,” Doc says as he stands at the bottom of my bed, his eyes looking at my chart, sadness etching off him, reading that I miscarried, reading the lie the doctors scribbled after I pleaded, confessing I was in danger, knowing Mama wouldn’t stop until the baby is dead.
I thought he left, but I guess his conscience kicked in.
“They said I should be discharged soon,” I whisper, looking away from him, hoping he doesn’t catch me out on another lie.
The doctors say I’m at high risk of miscarrying, that I need to be monitored but within the next two hours, my mother will storm this hospital with my father in tow, claiming to have been told I was attacked. Then there’s the love of my life’s mother, who will be watching my every move as soon as I leave this hospital, to make sure I do as she demands.
To protect myself, my baby, and Logan, I need to leave, to break my own heart, as well as his and I know by leaving, he could move on, start a family but I have to go.
“I’m so sorry I didn’t see what was happening in time,” Doc whispers, and I shake my head as I angrily wipe away a few stray tears.
“Don’t feel guilty, it isn’t your fault, and besides, I’m just a stranger…” I reply without looking at him.
“I’m still sorry,” he says, and I nod but don’t say anything in return. I stare at the light blue threads, wishing I could call Logan, but I can’t.
How can I get between a mother and a son?
How can I bring the wrath of my family on the club?
The answer, I can’t.
She’s my little secret that I must protect, meaning never returning home, never seeing Logan again.
“What, my little bumblebee?” I ask my beautiful daughter quietly, and she stops before me and grins widely as she slowly opens her hand and shows me a small spider.
Don’t knock it out of her hand, I try to remind myself as I tilt my lips at her.
“Can I keep it?” she asks with a whisper, and I chuckle lightly.
“No, darling girl, you can’t. Spiders deserve to live out in the open, to be free,” I say, and she scrunches her nose up in distaste, making me smile wide as I wrap my arm around her tiny waist and pull her into me as I kiss her head before mumbling, “Why don’t you open the window and set it free?”
The little human I created huffs, and I try to hide my amused grin as she stomps over to the windows, muttering, “So not fair.”
Damn girl is definitely Logan's child.
My smile slowly fades as Logan comes back to me yet again, and my bottom lip wobbles as I watch our daughter gently place the spider outside the window, then lean down on her chin to watch it crawl away. I swallow hard as my tears fall and I wish things were different.
Will she forgive me when she realizes I kept her from her father?
Will he ever forgive me for trying to protect our daughter?
Damn, will I ever forgive myself for not handling things differently and not mouthing off to Mama that day and going to Logan to explain everything within my family?
No, the answer to all of them is no.
Chapter 7
