I have feelings for you. Real ones. And I think you have them for me too.
It sounded simple and direct, but for me, it was terrifying.
The almost-kiss had changed something. Cracked open a door I'd been keeping locked, let light into spaces I'd convinced myself were better left dark. I'd spent the last two days replaying every moment. His hand on my face. His breath against my lips. The way he'd looked at me like I was something precious,something worth wanting. It had been years since I’d felt this way. I had spent all that time convincing myself otherwise, building walls out of habit and necessity. I was out of practice
And then the way he'd left. The things he'd said at my door, his voice rough and uncertain.There are things I should tell you. Things you don't know.
I'd lain awake that night wondering what he meant. What secrets could he possibly be carrying that would change anything between us? I'd come up empty. Whatever it was, I'd told him the truth: nothing could change how I felt.
I was done pretending and being careful. I couldn't wait any longer for permission to feel something other than grief. Done waiting for permission to feel something other than grief.
Gabrielle babbled in her car seat as I pulled into the station parking lot. She'd been in a good mood all morning, full of coos and gummy smiles, like she knew this day was going to be important. I lifted her out, settled her against my hip, and walked toward the bay doors.
The station was busy. A couple of probies were washing one of the engines, soap suds sliding down the gleaming red paint. The smell of diesel and industrial soap hit me as I stepped inside, familiar now in a way it hadn't been a few months ago. This place had become part of my life. These people had become my family.
Owen was up on a ladder doing something to the ceiling, and I waved when he looked down. Hewaved back, then climbed down and crossed to meet me.
"There's my favorite girl." He reached for Gabrielle, and she went to him willingly, her small hands grabbing at his shirt. "She’s all rolls and cheeks lately."
"She's eating like a teenager," Somehow, I agreed. "I can barely keep up with the formula."
Owen smiled. "Cal's in the kitchen. Just so you know."
Something in his tone made me look at him more closely. "Everything okay?"
"Think so. He's been distracted lately, but—" He shrugged. "Seems like a good kind of distraction, if you know what I mean."
I felt heat rise to my cheeks. Owen's smile widened.
"Go on," as if he knew what I was about to do. "I'll keep this one entertained."
I hesitated. "You sure?"
"Lucy." He gave me a look. "Go."
I went.
Riley passed me in the hallway and raised an eyebrow at my expression. But then, her face shifted abruptly. The hardness vanished, replaced by a real smile, one that softened her sharp features in a way I rarely saw. She didn't say a word, just kept walking.
Everyone knew what was going to happen; I realized that suddenly. The whole crew had probably been watching us circle each other for weeks, waiting for one of us to finally make a move.
Well. The day finally came.
I smoothed my hair, took a breath, and headed for the kitchen. My heart was beating too fast, my palms sweating like I was sixteen again, about to ask a boy to prom. Ridiculous. I was a grown woman. A mother. I'd survived loss and grief and an abusive ex who'd tried to destroy me.
I could do this.
I was almost in the kitchen when I heard voices. Cal's voice, low and rough, and Liam's, quieter, harder to make out. I slowed without meaning to, not wanting to interrupt, and then I heard a name that stopped me cold.
Mateo.
I should have walked away.
Should have cleared my throat, announced my presence, given them privacy. That's what a decent person would have done. That's what I would have done, any other day, with any other conversation.
But I couldn't move. Couldn't breathe. Could only stand there in the hallway, hidden by the angle of the door, listening to words that weren't meant for me.
"...carrying this for three years, man." Liam's voice, gentle but firm. "At some point, you gotta let yourself off the hook."
