I shake my head, losing it. “This,us. Now.”
“What?”
“I can’t be part of a team.”
“What? Why?”
“I’m broken and no good to anyone.” Sam walks towards me, and I back the stallion up.
As I look through light rain to the lake, I want to die and for it all to be over. Everyone I’ve ever loved is gone, and I… I am going.
Lightning crackles, and it feels like the end.
Sam comes on and walks closer, touching my arm. “Baby, please. Come down.”
I don’t like it, and I stare down angrily. “Look, we’re all fucking broken, and I’m not who you think I am. I’m broken and no good.”
I inhale, and I want to run. Run from the world.
“Look, two halves can make a whole,” Sam says, tears now flowing. “Please, let me in. What’s wrong with you, baby?”
“I’m not fucking normal,” I growl. “And I warned you!”
“You’re just exhausted.”
“I’m broken, and there’s a difference!”
I need to go somewhere dark, fast, and away.
Forever.
“The best thing we can do in times like this is rest, and to help others.”
“I’m no good, don’t you get it?” I yell at her. “Go! Find another while you still have time!”
“How can you say that? What about all the times we’ve had? And what you’ve said?”
“Just color!” I say. “I work in entertainment. Spin is our craft!”
Tears stream down her unbelieving face, and I feel disgusted for hurting her. The thing is, I’m broken, and she will find out one day. Now is the right time. I’m no good. No good to anyone, and I will always be trouble for women. I’m not suitable for a relationship; I must live alone.
“But what about us?” Sam asks, big-eyed and sobbing below.
“Us?” I ask, looking down, with nothing left to give. “We’re fucking over.”
“You can’t mean that,” Sam says, trying to grab the reins as I go.
“Just go!” I say like a desperate savage.
Sam drops her head, and her arms let go. She stands in the returning rain, broken, like me, and tears run down her face. I feel disgusted. Disgusted with everything but her.
I kick hard, and I charge through the rain. I don’t want to stop.Ever.
There is nothing to stop for. There willneverbe anything to stop for.
Until everything finallyends!
40
