I will likely run up a thousand today in speeding tickets, maybe five, not that I give a flying fuck.
As the sports car drifts around another leaf and dew-coatedcorner, I focus.
I feel Samantha’s fingers bite into my thigh, and I slow some.
We are right on the edge, but I must see Tusk before he leaves. I also have things to say, messages to give him... For the others.
Chopping down a gear, I push the old engine. We blast under trees, and we streak into the distance.
All I can think of is Tusk. And his eyes, his soft heart, and pure soul. And how much I need to protect him from pain.
As I feel Sam’s eyes on me, I adjust my Ray-Ban sunglasses. I then feel something tickle my cheek. Tears mean more burying, and I’ve buried enough.
Tears also mean weakness, and I detest myself for it.
As I wonder if the universe is targeting me, I hope to God it’s not one of those moments. One of those 'the good Lord giveth, and the good Lord taketh' moments.
I am not a religious man, but I guess I am spiritual. In saying that, I’ve seen him, or mother nature, give and take at the same time.
That concept terrifies me. I need Samantha, but I also need him. I need Tusk.
I turn the wheel in my gloves, and I wonder. Wonder if and why I have to lose one.
Here and now.
38
SAMANTHA
I’ve never seen this side of Harry, and it scares me. I know he is old-school, strong, competitive, and tough. I’ve also seen him open up and be gentle, even funny.
The thing is, he is now shutting down and becoming distant again.
It’s hard to imagine what he is feeling, but I know he’s been through hell. He has also just told me William is talking about retiring.
I can sense that is worrying him, and now with Tusk sounding so sick, he must feel like his entire world is being attacked.
Again.
As I try to hold his hand, I can tell he doesn’t want comfort.
He is likely trying to steel himself from a wall of coming pain and hurt.
With some luck, we will soon arrive, and the vet will explain the new tests show promise. That they will soon do surgery, and all will be fine.
Then, I’ll be able to help Harry find someone like William, and they can learn what William does.
William can retire as planned and live in the cute old cabin around the lake, then things will be stable and back to normal again.
As we blast dangerouslyinto the gates, we continue under the trees. We then pass the family cemetery on the estate, and Harry spins the wheel, fast. He then yanks on the handbrake.
We go into a spin on the soft wet grass, and I scream loudly. Harry is in control, looking as cold as stone.
We finally stop, and the weather is closing in again. As Harry gets out, thunder rumbles in the heavens. “Wait here,” he says coldly.
Walking up the slope alone, Harry looks down at the members of his immediate family.
He is wearing his long dark coat, and it blows in the wind with his long, black hair.
