She steps closer, and our eyes hold. Although I want to kiss her stomach and devour her, I have a deeper feeling.
I just don’t know what it is. I also don’t know how to deal with it.
We continue our mock moment, and I smile up and into her sparkling eyes. Deciding to run with it, I place a hand around her. It sits low on her back and half on her butt. I want to hold her.
No, Ineedto hold her in this moment.
She leans in, and her thigh brushes against my shoulder. She then rests a hand around my neck.
“Sassy Samantha. Honey, button pusher, and tease, would you do me the honor of marrying me?”
Sam fakes a surprised look. We both laugh, but she wipes away a tear. She is perfect in every way.
“Of course, Grumpy. There will never be anyone as hot. Anyone as commanding. Anyone as icy, cold, and anyone as wicked for me.”
The speech hits me, and it feels good. No, it feels amazing.
So amazing, I decide to unpack it later.
I take her soft hand in mine, and I gently slide the perfect ring on the perfect woman. Standing, we exchange a look, and we lean into each other for a long, slow hug.
We both exhale long, slow, and hard, as if letting all the chaos in the universe go.
I place my hand behind her head, and I hold her close. I do not want it to end. I do not wantusto end. My other hand softly rubs her back. As if caring and as if showing I am human.
“Are we really fucked up?” Sam asks. “Or are we just different?”
I have decided I like holding her as much as anything in the world. I like having her against my body. I also like having her in my arms.
“I have no idea,” I say. “I guess we’ll soon find out.”
We pull back a little and explore each other’s faces.
“As long as we look after each other,” I say, holding her chin.
The poor, emotional girl then nods, and my gut is tight. I’ve missed out on so much of a normal life. And whatever is happening here is perfect.
No, it’s spectacular,like her.
After showers,I act like a good fiancé and take the arm of my woman, girlfriend, and partner and I walk her to the jet. Toour jet.
As we fly towards Tokyo, we are both silent for a long while.
I process all kinds of thoughts, mostly relating to why or how I’m so emotionally stunted. Also why I’m such a cold bastard.
I have no idea why Sam is quiet in her co-pilot seat. Actually, that’s a lie. Deep down, I know what we are doing is hurting her. And I need it to stop.
Sam has a pure heart. She also has a good soul. She has never hurt anyone, and she deserves better. The idea of her with another man also does my head in.
I think about us, and I know I have issues. I also know I’m not good enough for her. I don’t know if I can keep a relationship. All I know is this… I must try.
I also don’t want to livewithout her.
26
HARRISON
After landing in Tokyo, our extremely connected local Japanese fixer and his driver take us to our five-star hotel.
