Time seemed to change, bringing the past forward with lightning speed to lay out as a carpet at her feet. She could not stall it, hide from it, come to terms with it. It was here, now, and yet not the same. The man she had once known had been far thinner and travel weary, constantly vigilant to prevent discovery. This man was well dressed, with a confident stature. His clean-shaven face had lost its pallor, and his cheeks were less sculpted than the one she had once kissed, but on his face was a genuine smile of recognition and warmth and it was almost too much to comprehend. The exhausted, half-starved man withthe stubble of growth clouding his jawline had stayed in the past with the bad memories. This new incarnation was a surprise and her shock must have shown. His smile faltered as she gasped and dropped her key. She fell to her knees to retrieve it.
‘Elsa? It’s me.’
He crouched down on his haunches, his elbows resting on his thighs. ‘Elsa?’
She dared to look up. His face was more handsome than she remembered and she wondered if she had ever really known Sam at all. She tried to speak but nothing sensible came out so she reached for her key instead. He offered his hand and she clumsily grabbed it. They stood up together as if in some strange new dance. She immediately let go.
‘I can’t believe I’ve found you,’ he said, his smile returning. She felt oddly exposed under his gaze and straightened the collar of her coat.
‘It is a surprise.’ They fell silent. The moment for enjoying a spontaneous, friendly embrace had been missed, already gone in a flash to leave only awkwardness in its place. She tucked a strand of windblown hair behind an ear. ‘How did you find me?’
For the first time his confidence faltered. She couldn’t blame him. Her reception was bordering on cold indifference, which was the opposite of what she was feeling inside. If he knew the truth, it would shock him to the core.
‘I have a friend who knows someone in the Red Cross. They found out you were working in Hamburg. I have been here, asking around, ever since I got the news.’
‘That couldn’t have been easy.’
‘No, it wasn’t.’
He looked up at the four-storey building. ‘Your home is impressive. As tall as the ones in the centre of London.’
She wondered if he was being kind or naive. ‘I’m not the only one who lives here.’
He looked at her. ‘I didn’t think you were, Elsa,’ he said gently. ‘Can I come in?’
She nodded, suddenly feeling a little shy. She was glad that he’d asked, yet she’d been dreading he would. ‘I have to go out again later because... I have something to...’
She turned the key in the lock and opened the door, hoping he didn’t notice that her explanation had trailed off. The dark, damp hall with walls of peeling paint was enough to temporarily divert his attention and she led the way to the stairs at the rear. He followed her in silence as she climbed the three flights of steps to the two rooms she rented at the top. They were small but tidy, with a view of the bombed area that badly needed rebuilding. Her possessions were few. The larger room had a table and two chairs, with a little two-ring burner for cooking. Two saucepans and a frying pan were tucked behind a curtain under the burner, and two washing up bowls, one for washing dishes and another for washing clothes, were hidden under the small dining table’s tablecloth. At least, she hoped they were hidden. She pulled the tablecloth a little lower on one side just to make sure.
‘It’s small, but at least I no longer share with another family. Would you like something to eat? I have a little soup.’ She found a saucepan and turned to show him, catching a glimpse of disappointment on his face. ‘It’s only temporary. I’m saving up for a better place. There aren’t enough houses to go around. The people who live around here are nice. Kind. Generous.’ She pressed her lips together and forced a bright smile.
‘It’s good to see you again.’ The gentleness in his eyes told her he didn’t need her explanations.
‘It’s good to see you, Sam. You look... so different. I didn’t recognize you at first.’
‘I hope I don’t look different in a bad way.’
She shook her head. ‘No, not in a bad way.’Definitely in a good way.
‘I don’t think eating raw cabbage would suit many people.’ He tilted his head. ‘You look well, Elsa.’
His compliment, and the way her name rolled off his tongue, resulted in a surge of heat brightening her cheeks. ‘Thank you.’ She returned to the can of soup and, as she wondered if he felt as strange as she did at seeing him again, began to open it. ‘Did you recognize me?’
‘I would recognize you anywhere.’
The lid of the can suddenly gave way and splashed into the soup. She glanced up to see if he’d noticed but she didn’t feel any better when she realized he was looking around her room. She rescued the lid, poured the soup into a pan and fiddled with the cooking ring, while silently praying that the temperamental thing would work.
‘Why aren’t you in Bremen?’
‘I was offered work in Hamburg. My mother, sister and aunt died during a bombing raid so I had no reason to stay.’
‘I’m so sorry to hear that.’
How many times has she heard that before? But hearing it from Sam meant so much more.
‘They needed translators here, to translate accounts of what the Nazis did to the Jews. I volunteered.’
‘For the Nuremberg trials?’
