Ben’s sudden confession embarrassed him. As a youth Sam had taken little notice of the younger children on his street. But Ben had been different: he had always wanted to be by Sam’s side, like a younger brother, and Sam had been happy for him to fill that role. Although his company had been embarrassing at times, secretly Sam would not have wanted it any other way. Memories of the scrapes and adventures they had got into now brought a smile to his face. Ben had always been part of a happier time — as a young baby, an unstable toddler, as a little boy who needed his older friend to teach him how to ride a bike. By the time Sam had left Cornwall, Ben was a gangly, skinny teenager, with a strong desire to show off and a growing interest in girls. His unofficial adopted older brother was now second on his list. Yet Sam had understood, and standing here talking to him now, he realized he would like to know the man he had grown into a little better.
‘Heard your regiment was one of the first sent over there. Queen’s Own Royal West Kent Regiment, wasn’t it?’
Sam was impressed. ‘Yes, 7th Battalion.’
‘You had it bad. Were you evacuated at Dunkirk? It was a miracle any of you survived.’
Sam shook his head. ‘I didn’t reach Dunkirk. I was captured fighting a rearguard action. It doesn’t feel very heroic when you’ve spent most of the war in different POW camps, while others are fighting.’ They began to walk along the street together in unison. It felt strangely comforting to share his experienceswith someone who might understand. Before, he’d carried this heavy weight in his heart alone. ‘How about you?’
‘I wasn’t old enough to join up until near the end. Spent some time in Berlin and Münster as part of the occupying forces. Finally demobilized in ’48. When people praise me I feel the same guilt. It’s not easy surviving something when you know others fought harder and did not come home, is it?’ He suddenly smiled. ‘Are you hungry? Come back with me and meet my family.’
Sam shook his head, concerned he would be imposing. ‘Thank you, but I really have to be going.’
‘I insist. I only live a few streets away. My wife would love to meet you. We are expecting our second child.’
Sam glanced at Ben. His invitation appeared genuine and ignited a flare of interest to see how a man could achieve a happy family life after the war. Sam had so far dismally failed at achieving it — and it was not due to lack of opportunity. Many men had not returned from the war, leaving women of marrying age scant pickings to choose from. As his weight had returned to normal and his face became more chiselled than hollowed, he found himself more the centre of attention than he felt comfortable with.
As soon as peace was declared, he had written to Elsa and waited anxiously for a reply. Weeks turned to months so he wrote again and again. The silence was crushing. Was she dead? Displaced? Had the distance between them brought her to her senses and made her realize how improbable it was that they could be together?
After a couple of years he had tried to respond to the advances he was getting. Anything to feel normal again and wipe away the years of war... yet it was hard to look at another woman without searching for something of Elsa in their eyes. He thought of her every day. He still carried the guilt of leaving herwith a little girl to face the approaching front line alone. Had the Allied forces treated them well as he had blindly promised her? As time passed, new concerns raised their heads. Was she now married, loving another man? His stomach always twisted at the thought and it made it harder to write and enquire, until he’d stopped searching.
‘Well?’
Ben’s question dragged him back from the outskirts of war-torn Bremen to the village road he was standing on. He blinked at Ben’s smiling face. Normality and a glimpse into what could be possible was what he needed. He nodded and followed his friend along the old cobbled road until Ben stopped, turned to him and with a sweep of his arm indicated his home as if he were a magician revealing his grand-finale trick.
The house was small but sturdy, built with red-tinged Cornish stone and sandwiched between two similar cottages with equally small windows and knotted wooden doors. A young child’s cry greeted them from within, followed by the soothing muted tones of a woman.
Ben beamed. ‘Sounds like my wife is negotiating with the boss of the house.’ He opened the gate to the tiny front garden, which was crowded with small potted plants and a few weathered toys. ‘If I had known I was having a visitor I would have tidied up first.’ He picked up the nearest — a well-used toy gun. The object changed his mood as quickly as a cloud passing across the sun. He fell silent and stared at the weapon. Was his time in Germany still haunting him too?
Ben cleared his throat. ‘I have something to say before we go in.’ He glanced up. ‘I should have mentioned it before, but I was so pleased to see you that—’
‘What?’
He placed the toy gun on the wall, forgetting he had planned to tidy it away.
‘My wife is German. She is a good woman and a good mother, but I know that some people find it hard to forgive. If you have a problem with that, then it’s best we say our goodbyes now.’
Sam stared at the man standing in front of him. He could do little else, as his body had ceased to function while the words sank in. Disappointment clouded Ben’s features. He lifted his chin and braced himself. His movement unlocked Sam’s paralysis and he began to think and breathe again.
‘How?’ he blurted out.
‘How did I fall in love with a German?’
Sam shook his head. He knew better than anyone how that could have happened. ‘No, I mean I thought soldiers weren’t allowed to fraternize with German civilians.’
Ben frowned, still unsure of Sam’s true feelings. ‘We weren’t at first... but as the months went on it was difficult to stop us.’ He looked away briefly as he gathered his defence. ‘Look, old pal, I’m sorry if this has come as a shock, but you have to remember it was different for me. I was an occupying soldier in peacetime. There was no fighting.’ Sam remained silent, so he pressed on. ‘You know what it’s like, Sam, young men away from home and lots of young pretty girls wanting a normal life again. It was difficult to stop people being friendly. Everyone just wanted peace and gradually the rules from up high were relaxed because they couldn’t enforce them.’ He teased a small stone with the toe of his boot. ‘Helene was easy to fall in love with and I have never regretted marrying her.’ He glanced up. ‘Of course, I had to get permission from the army to marry her. That wasn’t so easy. But then Helene fell pregnant... well, that helped things along a bit.’
‘Where did you marry? Germany? England?’
‘Berlin,’ replied Ben, a little surprised by the question. ‘I was posted back to England shortly afterwards.’
‘Was Helene allowed into England with no problems?’
‘She wasn’t allowed to come with me, but she followed later. She had to spend time in a transit camp waiting for clearance before she could enter England.’
‘And how has it been?’
‘Why do you want to know?’
