‘I’d probably make a terrible mother.’
‘You will make a marvellous one,’ he said, abandoning the stove and saucepan and crossing the space between them. He wrapped her in his arms. ‘Stop your vexing, Elsa.’
‘I don’t understand “vexing”. I can’t help being afraid of the future. What will happen to the German people when the war ends? What revenge will be taken? At times I feel so alone.’ Shetentatively rested her head against him and was welcomed by the steady beat of his heart against her ear.
‘You are not alone. You have me,’ he whispered into her hair.
Only for now, she thought.Soon you will leave.
Her body softened against the gentle rise and fall of his chest. The thought of him going felt a loss too big to fill. Why had she resisted his kiss earlier? What a fool she had been. As she listened to his breaths, it dawned on her that she could change things. An overpowering desire to do just that rose up through her like a swelling wave. She lifted her face and sought his lips with her own, determined to feel his lips on hers. And she did, briefly, their touch as electrifying as she knew it would be.
He pulled away. ‘You are upset, Elsa.’
She opened her eyes, more hurt than surprised. She had shocked him. In truth, she had shocked herself, but the desire was still there, pooling deep inside her and aching for more.
‘I’m not upset.’ She grew braver and touched his jaw with her fingers. ‘I want us to kiss.’
He moved his head away as she attempted to kiss him again. ‘This is not make-believe.’ He held her at arm’s length. ‘We should get some sleep. We will need to leave early in the morning.’
‘And tomorrow we might die!’ She groaned at the hopelessness of it all. ‘Oh, Sam! Don’t you want to feel normal?’
He walked away from her, shaking his head.
She lifted her chin. ‘Is it that you don’t find me attractive?’
‘Don’t be stupid. Of course I find you attractive. I tried to kiss you earlier, remember?’ Sam began to collect their plates, dropping each one into the sink with a clatter. He no longer had an appetite for the eggs he’d prepared.
‘So why won’t you kiss me now?’
He dropped the final plate in the sink, causing it to crack in half. He stared at it briefly before pouring himself a glass of water and gulping it down.
‘Sam?’
He frowned and focused on the glass in his hand, before discarding it in the sink with the rest of the crockery. ‘It is not that I don’twantto kiss you, Elsa!’
‘Then why have you changed your mind?’
He braced himself against the sink with straight locked arms. ‘I haven’t,’ he replied, pronouncing each word as if their clarity was an art he must master.
‘I know what you are thinking.’
He shook his head vigorously. ‘No, Elsa, you don’t.’
‘You have had time to think. You are afraid what people will say when they learn you have kissed a German woman. But no one needs to know. I hate this war. Everything is ugly. Everything is filled with hate. I want to feel good again. I just want tofeel somethingand I think you do too.’
His head had lowered as he listened, as if his strength was draining from his body one drop at a time. When he finally spoke his voice was one of deep sorrow, the anger and frustration having left along with the tension in his body. ‘I just... don’t—’
‘Don’t think, Sam. Nothing is normal. Why should we behave as if everything is?’
She stepped closer and smiled, confident that her concerns were his too, but now she had set a torch to each one so they were no more significant than the ashes in the grate. Nothing now stood in the way.
He turned his head to look at her. He half smiled and lifted his hand so one finger glided down the curve of her jaw. ‘And what if I don’t want to stop kissing you?’
Her breath caught in her throat. His carefully chosen words were meant as a warning, but they only served to convince herthis was right. She grew brave. She grew confident. She grew fearless. ‘Then don’t stop,’ she whispered as she sought his lips with her own.
Their first shared kiss was tentative, testing this new experience that felt both so wrong and so right. His lips were soft, their touch less shocking than her first clumsy attempt, yet together their union had the power to cast a heady spell over her mind, causing it to slow until the simplest thought outside how he felt and tasted seemed impossible. It came to a natural end and their lips reluctantly parted. She listened to their breaths mingling between them as she waited for guilt to set in. Nothing. Only a growing hunger for more. She looked up and saw her own feelings mirrored in his eyes, the unspoken message encouraging them to eagerly kiss again.
This time she felt no fear, for they were both willing accomplices in this new thing between them. A journey that she knew in her heart could have no happy ending, but somehow, in that moment, she no longer cared. This kiss was more driven, more passionate, absorbing her into the core of his soul with each press of their lips and each gasp of breath. She felt true contentment, playful, but focused, daring, yet ultimately carefree as she chased each of his sweet demanding kisses with one of her own. He took her hand and led her up the splintered stairs to the empty bedroom above, each step hindered by only their kisses between ragged expectant breaths.
