‘Your toes are bleeding.’ He had known about her blisters, but not the extent to which her feet had deteriorated. Many would have complained incessantly, but Elsa, who was becoming frailer every day, had not said a word. He found the plane’s first-aid kit and gave it to her.
She took it and began to dress her feet. ‘It is nothing. This salve will help greatly.’
His stomach churned. ‘I should have stolen you some new socks instead.’ Tubs had fallen ill due to his feet and now Sam was letting it happen all over again.
He considered opening another ration packet but somehow his appetite had deserted him. ‘Why were you living in Gollnow if your home is in Bremen?’ he asked, in the hope of changing the direction of his thoughts. Their friendship had been sorely tested of late; it was time to start anew.
‘My father moved us to Gollnow when he was given a job under Hitler’s work scheme. Life had been hard and he had been unemployed for years.’
It began to rain outside. Sam found a discarded helmet, turned it upside down and placed it outside to catch the rainwater. ‘Is your father in Bremen waiting for you?’
She shook her head. ‘He died some time ago.’
He wanted to ask more, but as they were only now speaking again, he decided to stick to safer topics. ‘Was Gollnow a nice place to live?’
‘At first it was good. For the first time he could afford to put food on the table. We made friends. I graduated from school and started training to be a teacher there.’ She nodded sadly. ‘At first life was very good.’
‘At first?’
‘Yes. My mother was so happy. We all were.’
‘So when did it change?’
‘When Kristallnacht happened. Things took a sinister turn. I didn’t want to see it then. I wanted to still believe in the promises.’
‘What happened on Kristallnacht?’
‘A mob tore up parts of Gollnow. Jewish shops were vandalized, the synagogue burned. Those Jews who had stayed left soon after that. I heard some were transported to Lublin, in Poland, but I don’t know where the others went.’ She hugged her knees and stared ahead. ‘At the time we thought it was just happening in Gollnow, but later we found out that mobs were smashing up Jewish-owned buildings all over Germany. I couldn’t pretend that everything was all right any more. The changes that had happened to our life had now become violent. And it was happening to our neighbours... people we knew. It was happening right in front of us.’ Her eyebrows pinched together in deep thought. ‘And we did nothing, just hid and watched. Otto wanted to go outside and try to stop them but Mother wouldn’t let him. She was scared of the retribution we would receive. She was terrified, particularly for my sister and me.’ Her voice cracked. ‘We were all terrified.’
A conciliatory silence fell in respect for those who had suffered.
‘There will be many incidents, choices, omissions that people will regret for the rest of their lives.’ His words felt like a plaster on a fatal wound, but she was sweet enough to accept his clumsy summary.
‘I don’t believe you have anything to regret, Sam.’
‘I regret getting captured.’
‘Apart from that.’
‘The Russian prisoners were not treated as well as us. When we left we took food from the stores and kept it for ourselves. We gave no thought to the Russian prisoners left behind. They were starving, but we did not give them any food, despite the fact theywere fighting against Hitler too. We needed the food to survive. We knew we would not last long without it.’
‘I am not sure there would be many people who would give away their only rations.’
‘I saw Hitler once, you know. I often wonder... if only I could have killed him. I expect there are quite a few people who now feel they missed their chance.’
She looked at him in surprise.
‘If I’d killed him perhaps the war would have ended. That was nearly five years ago. How many men have died in that time?’
‘Thousands, including my brother, father and grandfather.’
Elsa had lost so much already. In war there were no real winners. ‘Do you wish I had killed him?’ he asked. ‘He is your leader.’
‘We can’t turn back time, Sam. Why talk of such things?’
‘But if we could, would you have wanted me to kill Hitler when I had the chance?’
She fell silent, deep in thought. Finally, she lifted her chin. ‘Yes. I wish he was dead now.’ She breathed in deeply and exhaled in a soft sigh. ‘I have never felt able to say such a thing before. It feels strange to say it out loud without being afraid that someone will report me.’ She looked at him, her pale complexion a little fresher than before. ‘He started a war, Sam. Millions have died and continue to die while he hides somewhere. Yes I wish he had died long ago.’ She tilted her head as she looked at him. ‘What happened? Tell me about it.’
