Nicholas heard Rose sigh beside him and smiled as he looked down at her. Her eyes, framed with long dark lashes, glinted with childlike wonder. His smile faltered. She had beautiful eyes; a heady mixture of crystal-blue and emerald-green. Why hadn’t Sam mentioned how the colour of her eyes could draw a man in? They were certainly hard to forget. He looked back at the tree, a little shaken and silently cursing Sam for not preparing him better.
‘It’s getting late,’ he said, gruffly. ‘I had better take you home.’ He began to gather the empty boxes, aware that he’d spoilt the moment. Rose helped him, which made him feel even worse. He should have waited, so she could enjoy the Christmas magic just a little longer. Instead he had cowardly cut it short.
Rose disappeared to put on her hat and coat, while Nicholas packed the empty boxes into the back of his car. When he returned to the shop, Rose was waiting for him. His stomach flipped at the sight of her. She looked a little different than usual, but he couldn’t quite make out why. He stared at her.
Rose nervously touched her hat. ‘You don’t like my new hat, do you?’
That was it! A new hat! He sighed inwardly. The plum colour suited her better, complimenting her pale skin, which was creamier than he remembered. The mixture of soft cream and dark red reminded him of a bouquet of roses. Rose, the mouse, had been temporarily replaced and it was due to her new hat, nothing more.
‘No, no. I think it’s lovely. Very nice . . . very dapper. I will drive you home today. Have you been in a car before? Of course you haven’t. You told me earlier. Well that’s about to change. Come on.’
He escorted her to the car and opened the door.
She hesitated. ‘You won’t drive too fast, will you?’
‘I promise.’
Rose smiled and gingerly got in. She trusted him completely and he felt like a cad for not being truthful with her.
The drive to her house, which in reality took no time at all, seemed to last forever. He had never had difficulty striking up a conversation with her before, yet during their first drive the task was quite beyond him. Even his replies to her attempts, were short and stilted. In truth, he felt as if the sands had shifted beneath his feet. He had come here to fulfil his promise to Sam and brighten her Christmas, but now he realised, it was not the only reason. He had wanted to find out if she was alright as her welfare was something that had played on his mind ever since he reported Sam’s death. He had tried to ignore it. Everyone had lost someone in the war, he had told himself, but Rose still lingered in the back of his mind. Just as any army manoeuvre, he had an objective in returning home. He thought he was prepared. But now he realised that he wasn’t. He hadn’t expected her company to stir something deep inside him like it did tonight; something basic and powerful that he had not experienced before. He was betraying his friend. She was Sam’s girl and he needed to remind himself of that, particularly when she looked at him with those expressive eyes that warmed his soul.
Nicholas was glad when her home finally came into sight. He stopped and, as expected from a gentleman caller, he got out and opened the car door for her. He stared at the ground, troubled and preoccupied with his raging thoughts. Rose got out andwaited. He glanced up to find an expectant look upon her face. He shut the door.
‘Goodbye.’
Her expression changed to one of hurt and he realised he had spoken curter than he intended.
‘I’m sorry,’ he said.
'It's alright. It has been a long day.'
She was being understanding, but the mood had changed and all because of him. He felt wretched. He wanted to explain, but he didn’t know how to. How do you tell a woman that you don’t want to feel attracted to her without sounding pompous and arrogant?
‘Yes, it has been a long day,’ he said instead. He got back into the car and waited for her to walk to her door.
‘Goodbye, Nicholas.’
‘Goodbye, Rose,’ he replied quietly without looking at her. He should ask to see her again; he had a promise to fulfil. He badly wanted to. Nicholas bit the inside of his cheek to remind himself to stay strong and not to. Seemingly troubled, Rose turned haltingly and walked to her door. As soon as he heard the door had opened, Nicholas pressed the gear pedal to make his escape.
Nicholas grasped the steering wheel far tighter than he needed to. He didn’t turn to look at her as the car pulled away. He didn’t want to see her standing in the doorway watching, and waiting, for him to wave a final goodbye. He sternly told himself that some distance between them would clear his head. The journey home was uneventful. Only a few cars passed him coming the other way and Nicholas felt quite alone as he navigated the roads in the dark. But he wasn’t alone. Inside his head he carried her sad, hurt eyes and they stayed with him for the remainder of the journey and deep into the night.
* * *
Nicholas tossed and turned as sleep eluded him. Despite it being winter, his skin felt warm and the air in his bedroom seemed to stifle him. Finally, he flung back the blankets and sat up, his bare chest heaving with all the emotions churning inside him. He stayed like this for a while, his head bowed in exhaustion as he recalled the day. Gradually the cool night air calmed his heated thoughts and he lifted his head. What was he going to do now?
He slipped from the bed and searched his uniform pockets. Rose had not seen him out of uniform yet. He knew he was hiding behind the coarse material, pretending to himself he was just a soldier on a mission. He found Rose’s poem and unfolded it to remind himself of the next verse. As soon as he began to read it, the rhyme came flooding back.
Let me hear the carols of Christmas around me,
The miracle of a babe and a bright shining star.
Release the Christmas child within me,
Let me feel the joy seen in a young child’s eye.
Earlier in the week he had seen a notice on a shop window which would help him to achieve this. He hardly knew Rose, but he had a feeling she would love his idea. And he would love sharing it with her. He would love it very much. He fell back onto the bed and rested his forearm across his brow, her poem still held in his fingers. Sam’s face came to mind. He still hadn’t told her he knew Sam, and now he had left it too late. He had come here to do good, but was just betraying them both.
In the early hours of the morning, he came to a decision. Feeling confident that he would not change his mind, he finally fell into a deep sleep. At first light, he got up, washed and packed his rucksack. He would leave his parents a note and head for the train station, before they could change his mind. He had decided to cut short his leave and return to Germany as soon as he could.
