Her governess, unable to hold her gaze any longer, looked down at her hands. ‘No,’ she replied gently, ‘your mother and father are too distressed with the events of the day.’
Evelyn felt their rejection as keenly as if they had shut a door in her face. Her eyes brimmed with burning tears. ‘They blame me, don’t they?’
‘No,’ Miss Brown said sternly.
‘They must.’
‘My dear—’
The endearment brought tears to Evelyn’s eyes. Miss Brown opened her arms and Evelyn threw herself into her embrace.
‘It is all my fault,’ Evelyn sobbed into her governess’s dress.
‘No, my dear Evelyn. No. Your brother has been unwell for some time.’
So it was true. He had lied to her.
‘Why didn’t he tell me?’ she asked, between hiccupping sobs. ‘I asked him but he said it was all in Mother’s head.’
‘He didn’t tell you because he didn’t want you to be upset.’
‘But I could have stopped him from going outside. Now Mother and Father blame me.’ Her throat felt raw with distress, yet she couldn’t help feeling angry with her brother for not telling her. It was cowardly to hate him, for she should have realised his health was failing. Perhaps, deep down inside, she had, but didn’t want to acknowledge it. A fresh bout of sobbing, louder than before, poured out of her. Tears for herself, tears for Nicholas, and tears for her mother and father.
‘They do not blame you,’ soothed Miss Brown as she stroked her head.
Evelyn pulled away to look at her. ‘Then why won’t they see me?’
Miss Brown cupped her tearstained face. ‘Their hearts are breaking, Evelyn. Just as yours is.’
Evelyn tried to catch her breath between sobs. ‘I don’t want their hearts to break.’
‘Then you must be strong and wipe away your tears,’ said Miss Brown, delicately dabbing away Evelyn’s tears with a handkerchief. ‘They have enough to worry about without seeing you upset too.’
Evelyn wiped her face with her hands, eager to help in any way she could and have things return to normal again.
Miss Brown smiled fondly at her. ‘No one wants their heart broken, but we all will at some time in our lives. It is the price for loving someone.’
‘Is Nicholas’s heart breaking?’
‘Yes, my dear. Yes it is.’
Evelyn snuggled into her governess’s embrace again. ‘I hope it will mend. Having a broken heart hurts.’
‘But we can lessen the pain.’
‘How?’
‘By caring for those that we love. By appreciating them while we are with them. By giving our love freely and unconditionally.’
‘How will that lessen the pain?’ asked Evelyn.
‘Because your memories of them are not tinged with regret. You see, Evelyn, regret makes the pain so much harder to bear.’
* * *
Fearful that her son’s recovery would be hindered by overexcitement, Lady Pendragon banned Evelyn from visiting him. Miss Brown disagreed with the order. The following day she took it upon herself to champion Evelyn’s need to see him. She left Evelyn painting while she went to see her parents. Politely, she pointed out to Sir Robert and Lady Pendragon that keeping the children apart benefitted neither. After all, she reasoned, Evelyn was old enough to sit quietly by Nicholas’s side and cheer his spirits without overtaxing him.
Her impassioned plea made no difference. Lady Pendragon remained adamant that Nicholas would receive no visitors until his health improved and, unfortunately, despite Doctor Birch’s ‘solicitous care’, she had seen no improvement so far. The health of her family was of the utmost importance to her, she told the governess, and she would not risk it for the whims of her daughter. Miss Brown left the room, defeated. She had taken a risk by questioning her employers’ instructions. Now that shehad failed in her quest, she had the unnerving feeling that she had risked more than just being denied.
