“You have another suitor?” His stomach instantly soured.
“If I did, it wouldn’t be your concern. For the moment, however, I’m consumed with my grandfather. I’ve given someattention to the area charities, but even with this, I’ve limited myself because of the situation here. My grandfather needs me, and I am obligated to him. Now, I must go. I promised him I would be gone only a short while this morning. You know very well he won’t be with us long, and I want to spend as much time with him as possible.”
She went to the door and opened it for him. “I’ll be sure and read through the contract when I return home.”
Bert knew she was waiting for him to leave, but he felt desperate to convince her to give him a chance. Still, there was hardly anything he could do about it at the moment. She wouldn’t even listen, given her rush to see to her affairs. He walked slowly to the door and paused.
“I will wait for you,” Bert promised. “You’ll see, I’m worth giving a chance to.” He smiled. “We would be perfect together. Just think of all we could accomplish.”
She shook her head. “I am not interested in accomplishing anything with you, Bert. I’m sorry, but you must find another. Please do not attempt this again. I will not court you. This is my final answer.”
He frowned and stopped just outside the door. “Don’t say that. I know there is a chance for us. Just give me time, Judith. Once these other things are behind you, you’ll be happy for a friend, and I will be here for you. I promise I’ll be here.”
She didn’t respond. It was then that the real problem came to his mind. James Ashton. He was the problem. Poor Judith had to refuse thoughts of courtship because she was obligated to attend him night and day. Until he died.
Judith didn’t know how much clearer she could make it to the man. She had told him in no uncertain terms that she would not court him. What more could she say or do? She couldn’t very well forbid him to come to the house, becausehe was her grandfather’s lawyer. Once her grandfather died, she was definitely going to seek new counsel.
She sighed and marched past him to where Charles had just brought the carriage. She had thought of offering Mr. Black a ride back to wherever he was going, but she decided against it. He would just spend the time trying to woo her. She settled into the carriage, leaving him standing on the walk to gaze after her. Another sigh escaped. It wasn’t like she’d never had men seeking her hand her before, but none had been quite so persistent and annoying.
The warm July sun beat down on her. Bert’s visit made her forget her parasol, but thankfully her straw bonnet had a broad brim. Judith did her best to forget about the annoying man and instead put her mind on the duties at hand—the orphans.
She had heard from Mrs. Turner just yesterday that the children were doing much better. Several had recovered in full, including Samuel, whose adoptive parents had come to claim him. She tried not to think about Baby Boy 1, whom she had secretly named Isaac. She thought of that name as she’d rocked him, thinking how in another time and place he might have brought laughter instead of tears. Sister Agnes had told her the Episcopal church would arrange for his burial but that there would be no services. The baby had come unwanted into the world. Unnamed and unloved. No, that wasn’t true. She had loved him, even for a few moments, and no doubt the sisters had too.
Sadness washed over her despite her determination to be happy. He was in a better place. A place where he would never be sick again. A place of love and kindness. Judith couldn’t help but want that for her grandfather as well. She had spoken again to him last night, sharing elements of her own faith and what she hoped were encouragements from the Bible. He neither stopped her from speaking nor ignored her. In fact, he hadasked her a question or two. Still, he didn’t express an interest in giving himself over to God.
Please,Father,pleasesave him.
James Ashton awoke with a start. He felt as if a weight sat upon his chest, and it caused his breathing to be quite labored. Was this it? Was this the moment he would die?
He glanced around the room. There was no one with him. Never had he felt so alone. He thought of Judith and her words about salvation. He had never considered himself one who needed saving. All his life, he’d made his own way. His father had taught him to rely on no one but himself. To trust no one no matter how convincing they were.
His beliefs were that life ended with a man’s final breath. Then nothing. That was why he had been determined to pursue his own happiness with great gusto. He had made a name for himself apart from his father. He had earned the respect of his peers and the fear of his enemies. He had enough wealth to buy whatever he wanted and to live in opulence befitting a king.
So why did he feel so empty and alone?
Was Judith right? Were all those haughty Christians correct in believing that there was more to life than what this existence gave? Did one pass from this earth and approach another world ... another lifetime?
He stared at the ceiling and tried to remember all that Judith had said about God and her belief that Jesus was the only way to be reconciled. It wasn’t that he hadn’t heard such things before his granddaughter came to be with him. His own dear wife had believed those things and insisted he be at her side each Sunday for services. Of course, he hadn’t bothered to really listen, but he knew the general tenets of the faith. Man was hopelessly depraved and, without Christ, condemned tohell. He had only ever seen it as religious nonsense, a means of controlling people with guilt and fear. Neither of which was he susceptible to.
Now, however, lingering in the shadow of death, James found himself so very alone. It was a terrible feeling. He hadn’t been the most honest of men. He’d duped more than one poor fool in his life. There had been great satisfaction in winning the lion’s share, but now that satisfaction seemed unimportant.
In fact, nothing that he’d done seemed of any great importance. He had married and had a son. That had been important. That was his legacy as much as the money he would leave behind. Many would say it was the most significant thing he’d done. Judith was his granddaughter and heir, and he couldn’t have asked for better. She was smart and capable. She would be able to take his wealth and do great things. So why did he feel so void of value?
He remembered telling Judith that his heart would stop and that it would be the end of his life on earth, but she had been adamant that it wouldn’t be the end of his soul.
And she had called him Grandfather for the first time. Her passion for her beliefs had brought her to intimacy with him. So, again, why did he feel so empty?
Judith had told him he needed to be saved. That his sins had separated him from God. It was all things that he’d heard before and tossed aside as he might a children’s fairy tale. A mythology of gods and goddesses and their interaction with mankind. After all, why should the Christian beliefs be truer than those of the Romans and Greeks?
But even as he thought this, James knew from somewhere deep inside that the Christian beliefs were true. He’d just refused to accept them as his own.
He struggled for breath. “Is it too late? May I still find forgiveness?”
The silence was deafening around him. It seemed even the ticking of the clock had muffled, perhaps stopped.
Forgivenesswas a word he’d not given much consideration to in life, but in death it seemed vital. Could he be forgiven? Had Christ died for his sins as well as those of others who more readily accepted him?
“If it might be so,” he said, glancing again at the ceiling, “I ... I want it. I want this salvation.”
