“Disappearing into ranches and farms?” This from a woman who looked a little less refined than the others. She was dressed fashionably enough, but her face was tanned and leathery. “My family has a ranch nearby, and we own seven thousand acres.”
Eleanor couldn’t stop her question. “And why do you need that much land for your personal use?”
The woman frowned. “I guess you don’t know much about raising cattle. You need at least an acre per cow. Two acres for cow-calf pairs. And as a conservationist you must know that you can’t run them on the same section of land for too long. We have to rotate them, move them from onepasture to another. We aren’t without our own style of conservation. No one knows better than we do about keeping the land in good order.”
Eleanor had no reply. The woman was right. Shedidn’tknow what was needed for raising cattle or wheat. She would make sure and ask about that the next time she talked to Mr. and Mrs. Brunswick.
“It seems to me that we need both to exist to provide food for America.” Marvella’s tone was pleasant. “I’m sure our conservationist friends would agree, but this isn’t about the farms and ranches. We need support for the national park that could soon be set aside in our own area. But now, why don’t we have some more refreshments. Mrs. Norris has arranged for the desserts to be set out.”
Thank heaven for Marvella. This was one time Eleanor welcomed her taking over.
Sir Theophilus appeared from wherever he’d been and came to Eleanor. Jumping up against her skirt, he looked at her with an expression that suggested he understood her frustration. She picked him up and buried her face against his for just a moment.
At leastsomeoneunderstood her.
16
WEDNESDAY, JUNE29, 1904
“My dear, I can’t help but see that you’ve been rather downcast since your father left without you.” Marvella sat down to breakfast. “I know you’re used to being with him on these trips, but sometimes it’s good for the men to have time to themselves. Men need to be able to just be themselves and not worry about being overheard by the womenfolk.”
She gave Eleanor a smile and then opened her Bible. “I hope you don’t mind if I share my Bible reading with you today.”
Eleanor shook her head. “Not at all.” Frankly she was to the point where anything anyone could offer to help her make sense of her feelings and thoughts was welcome.
Mrs. Ashbury turned a couple of pages. “I’m reading Psalm 13. ‘How long wilt thou forget me, O LORD? for ever? how long wilt thou hide thy face from me? How long shall I take counsel in my soul, having sorrow in my heart daily? how long shall mine enemy be exalted over me? Considerand hear me, O LORDmy God: lighten mine eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death; Lest mine enemy say, I have prevailed against him; and those that trouble me rejoice when I am moved. But I have trusted in thy mercy; my heart shall rejoice in thy salvation. I will sing unto the LORD, because he hath dealt bountifully with me.’” She looked up. “David wrote these verses, and they speak to my heart.”
“They do?” Those were the words of a troubled soul. At least in the beginning.
“Oh mercy, yes. I’ve had times of doubt and sorrow. Times when I was sure God had forgotten me. Many times when I’ve been on my knees crying out to the Lord. I had people in my life who were against me and who seemed to take delight in my failings. But God always prevailed and helped me through.”
How could that be so? “It’s just that you seem to have everything you could ever need or want. And it’s hard to imagine you having enemies.”
The footman put a plate of food in front of Mrs. Ashbury and then offered Eleanor one as well. Mrs. Ashbury waited until he left the room to reply.
“No one is without someone in their life who wishes them ill. It might not be for long, or it could be a lifetime grudge. I’m fortunate in that most of my enemies are long gone. Occasionally, there are those who disagree with my nature. Sometimes my opinions and enthusiasm can overwhelm those around me.”
Eleanor could certainly understand that. Still ... “I just assumed you were always kind and loving. You and the Judge seem to have so many who admire and value you.”
“We do. As David said, God has dealt with me bountifully.He’s dealt with us bountifully. However, we have both had our foes to fight and our battles to be won, but God has tempered me over the years. I am a better woman now than when I was your age. As I grow in Him and yield myself to His molding, I find I become much gentler in my nature. I can honestly say that my heart truly does rejoice in His salvation. I suppose that’s why it bothers me so much that you are opposed to Him.”
“But I’m not!” Eleanor frowned and picked up a piece of toast to cover her frustration.
“Let me bless the food and then we can continue.” Mrs. Ashbury offered a quick prayer and then gave Eleanor a nod. “Go ahead and elaborate on what you were saying.”
“I’m notopposedto God. I’m not exactly surewhatI think or even believe about Him anymore, but I have no desire to be opposed to Him.”
“Well, that is to your benefit, but please continue.”
Eleanor put down the toast. How could she explain to this woman that her beliefs made little sense to her? She wanted to understand. And be understood.
“I remember what it was like as a child to cling to God and study His word. I remember how amazing it felt to be close to God in prayer.” She sucked in a breath as her limbs shook. “But it all died. All of it. When Mama was gone ... I couldn’t feel anything anymore. Nothing but grief and pain and loss. The only way to survive was to shut off that part of my heart completely.” The words poured out of her, like a pressure valve had been released inside her soul. “I pushed God away, Marvella. And I don’t think He’ll welcome me back, no matter how much I long to be whole again. I don’t deserve another chance.”
So there was to be a late-morning meeting of the businessmen in Kalispell tomorrow. And others who were dependent on the railroad. Grant wanted to attend, but the railroad had him busy loading freight cars. They were shipping out parts and supplies that had been stored in the Kalispell shops and sending them to Whitefish.
With each car that was packed, Grant felt a sense of doom. He wasn’t at all sure yet what he would do. Alvin was still spouting off about forcing Hill to change his mind, but how could that ever work? Several of Alvin’s friends were with him on the idea of kidnapping Louis Hill from the Fourth of July town party. Grant hadn’t listened to much of the details because frankly it was probably better not to know what his brother had planned. At least that way he couldn’t be forced to testify against him if things went wrong.
“Boss, we crated all those boiler rivets and pipes. You want us to get them loaded?”
