The band around Eleanor’s heart tightened even more. They had mentioned her less and less as the years passed, but for some reason Father had mentioned her more and more since heading out west this trip.
Was Mother on his mind that much? Even after all these years? Perhaps in his older age, he was simply recalling fond memories of her.
Father’s soft snores filled the space. Didn’t take him long, did it?
Eleanor turned back to the window. Although, instead of Montana, she saw the last few weeks of her mother’s life. Heard Mama praying for death to come quickly...
Even now, it ripped Eleanor’s heart in two.
That had been her first experience with death. It was horrible. How could Mama say that if this was the will of God, they would bear it with grace?
The will of God? For a woman to bear such wretched pain that she could scarcely draw breath? The will of God for a fourteen-year-old child and her father to watch their dearest on earth suffer for weeks on end? Where wasgracein that?
Mama’s words washed over Eleanor until she couldn’t bear it. She closed her eyes and squeezed them against the barrage.
Pray for understanding and peace of mind.
God will provide comfort.
He’s a good and loving Father who watches faithfully over His children.
Trust Him. Trust Him. TrustHim ...
Rebel tears slipped out from underneath her lashes no matter how much she commanded them to stop.
No.
Eleanor blinked and swiped at her cheeks. No more. She couldn’t deal with it.
She frowned and cast a glance at her father. He was still asleep. What would he think of her rambling thoughts?
While Mother was alive, Father had been by her side, at church every time the doors were open. But after her death, he lost himself in his conservation work and the new scientific discoveries of the day, and bit by bit, little was ever mentioned about spiritual matters. That suited Eleanor just fine.
Every once in a while, her mother’s teachings drifted through her mind, and a great swell of the faith she’d felt as a child would overwhelm her. But it was easily pushed away.
They traveled so much that their friends and family had no idea if they attended church or not. What did it matter anyway? Most people assumed someone was a Christian if they acted with kindness and bowed their head for the mealtime prayer.
Eleanor propped her chin in her hand, watching treesand mountains swim together in a dizzying palette of grays, browns, and greens. This was what really mattered, wasn’t it? Conserving the land. Making sure generations after them could enjoy the splendor and beauty the western frontier had to offer.
There was enough to do without worrying about faith.
Besides, Father’s work and writing had garnered him a small measure of notoriety. People didn’t seem to care what he believed since he was making the world a better place. As far as she was concerned, the less said about God, the easier it was to ignore His existence.
Plain and simple.
He’d taken away her mother. He deserved no better.
“We’ll reach Kalispell in about twenty minutes.” The conductor’s voice reached the fuzzy edges of Eleanor’s brain.
Opening her eyes, she straightened and looked across the way to where her father sat, his gaze fixed out the window. When had she fallen asleep?
“This is amazing country, Ellie.”
She shook the haze from her mind, smoothed her traveling suit, patted her hair, and leaned toward the window. Now that the train had slowed, she could make out the complex details of the landscape. Majestic mountains rose in snow-covered glory against a brilliant blue sky. Forests of pines, thick and lush, pointed ever upward across the green valley floor, scaling the mountainsides like Alpine climbers.
“It’s most impressive.”
“I can see why George wants part of this state set aside as a national park. We shall have a wonderful time on this trip.” He clasped his hands together and grinned like aschoolboy. “Already I have a feeling of great consequence. It’s almost as if I’m meeting my destiny head on.”
