“I love that little cottage, and it makes me so sad that now that this has happened, my focus is all about someone breaking in. I don’t know if I can ever see it as a happy place again.”
“In time, it’ll pass. You’ll see.”
“I hope you’re right.”
For several minutes, they sat in silence. Addie had little desire to do anything but stay exactly where she was. She knew that tomorrow she’d be expected to offer her talks about the Yukon, but she wasn’t sure she could. Having the house broken into made her feel a weariness she’d never known before.
“I’m grateful to God for His protection of you. You could have been there when the thief came. You might have been hurt.”
“I know. I should be grateful as well, but...” Addie shookher head and took a long sip of the cocoa. “Why did God allow it to happen, Pearl? All of my life someone has been telling me that putting my trust in God is the way to go. That He loves me and will take care of me. That He will keep me safe from evil. But then this happens, and I just can’t help but question the matter.
“All of those years growing up—my father and brothers’ cruelty, living with unsavory characters, and being left to fend for myself—how does that show God cares? These last few years with you and Otis have been good ones, but even then, I question them. You and Otis took care of me, not God.”
“That’s where you’re wrong, Addie. God played a major role in us having anything to do with your life.” Pearl took a seat and smiled. “We never intended to have a young woman take our room. When we advertised, we were certain we’d find a young man and hoped he would be someone who could work for Otis and learn the photography business. But instead, we got you. In fact, we didn’t have a single other person apply for the room. It was quite clear that God wanted you to be with us.”
“I want to believe I mattered so much to God that He arranged my being with you. I really do. I love the idea of belonging to the God of the universe—believing that I am special in His eyes and that He has made arrangements for me that include protection and eternal care. But when I look at the things that have happened in my life since asking Jesus to save me, I can’t help but have my doubts.”
“Getting us to doubt God is what Satan works hardest at. If we doubt, then we live in despair and sometimes even peril. We certainly never have comfort or peace of mind.”
Addie sighed and stared into her cup. “I would so love to have peace of mind. The peace that passes understanding.”
“‘And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus,’” Pearl quoted from Philippians four. “Addie, it’s yours to have. You have only to cast aside doubt and put your trust firmly in God. He is more powerful than the devil. The Bible makes it clear that Satan cannot win against God.”
“Yes, but it also gives us examples that God allows Satan to test us. Look at Job or Simon Peter. Jesus even told Simon that Satan had asked to sift him as wheat. And apparently God allowed it to happen because Jesus told Peter that he had prayed for him. Wouldn’t it have been better for God to just prevent it from happening?”
“But Jesus knew what would be best for Simon Peter in the long run. He knew what was necessary to strengthen his faith—to teach him the important lessons that he would need for life’s journey. Especially a journey that would take Peter into many difficult and dangerous places.”
Addie nodded. “But again, why not simply make it safe and easy for the Christian soul?”
“It would be lovely if we could just accept Jesus as our Savior and never have another worry or be tempted to sin.” Pearl reached out and patted Addie’s knee. “You’re the closest thing I have to a daughter. If I were able to keep you from pain and suffering, I would do most anything. But we retain the ability to make choices for our lives. God doesn’t force our obedience. I believe we go through the things we do to prove to us our need for Him—to show us how faithful He is even when bad times come. Life on earth is fraught with sorrows, Addie. You aren’t the only one who has suffered.”
“I never meant to imply that I was. I suppose I’m just weary. Seeing Isaac again and remembering the dreams we had for our future, then dealing with the destruction at my cottage ... my heart aches. I want so much to believe God loves me and has brought all of this together to bless me, but I’m afraid.”
“Fear doesn’t come from God, Addie. God’s perfect love casts out fear. The Bible tells us this in First John. Fear is something the devil uses to control us—to interfere in our relationship with God. Again, it’s all about getting us to doubt our Father and His love.”
Doubt and fear. Addie considered that a moment. Her entire life had been a story of doubt and fear. Those two things had been longtime companions. In fact, Addie couldn’t remember a time when doubt and fear hadn’t played a prominent role in her life.
Pearl got up. “I can see you need to think on this. Would you like more cocoa?”
Addie shook her head. “No, I’m fine. Thank you, Pearl. Thank you for everything.”
The sound of the front door opening caused Pearl to smile. “That will be Otis. I’ll go see to his supper.”
For a long time, Addie thought of her life of doubt and fear. Those two simple words described every moment of her existence. How could there ever be peace in her heart when doubt and fear reigned supreme? How could there even be room for love?
Lord, I suppose all these years of listening to others encourage me to trust in You, I’ve never really understood. I truly do want the peace You promise—and the love. Help me to see what it is to trust You—to know You.
Fear for the future soured her stomach. When she’d left the Yukon, Addie had been determined to live a good life—a happy life. Instead, she’d lived a life of fear, always looking over her shoulder, always worrying about what might happen. Buying the cottage had been her way of moving forward into a new existence, and now that existence had been crushed.
“Oh, God, please help me. I don’t know how to trust You.”
Hiram and Shep sat in silence over supper. With a steady rain falling, it felt like a heavy, wet blanket had been draped over Hiram’s shoulders. He’d been unable to find anything at Addie’s that could help them, and even though they were doing quite well in their thieving amongst the expo attendees, Hiram was tired of working at the expo. He was ready to move on, maybe head to California. But they couldn’t go—at least not until they had Addie’s money.
“This is a good stew,” Shep said, soaking another biscuit in his bowl. “Good and meaty.”
“Cost enough, it ought to be meaty,” Hiram muttered. He imagined Addie eating steak or something equally expensive. Her life at the cottage didn’t suggest she lived in luxury, but given the way Moerman had treated her, he imagined she had it good. For sure she didn’t go hungry or live in want.
Customers moved in and out of the tables around them, and still Hiram lingered over his meal. He’d long ago lost his appetite but had little desire to go back out in the rain, even to head back to the expo and the cot that awaited him.
