“This is my cottage,” she said, leading him up the walkway. “You should probably remain outside. I don’t want the neighbors thinking I’m entertaining men at night.”
“I would never do anything to harm your reputation.”
Addie looked at him for a moment, then nodded. She unlocked her front door and hurried inside. She had planned to change her clothes, but with Isaac waiting, it probably wasn’t a good idea. Instead, she gathered up the canvas bag she’d filled with scraps of material and old ragged clothes. She’d been gathering them from the girls and whoever else offered to donate. The pastor’s wife would take them and make rag rugs to give away. Addie enjoyed the one she’d made for her and hoped to learn how to make them for herself.
When she appeared at the door with the bag, Isaac immediately took it from her, as she had known he would. She carefully locked the door and turned to face him. “I suppose I’m ready to go.”
They walked back toward the expo and to where thetrolley would stop to pick them up. The transportation system had proven to be quite efficient, and for the most part, ran in an orderly fashion. It not only helped to get people to the expo, but afterward there would be new lines for students coming to the college and for those who were moving into the area to build houses. Addie had heard someone remark that over one hundred new houses were scheduled to be built in the area nearby. Some were already in the process. The AYP had brought all of that to the ever-growing city.
Once on the trolley, Addie tried to settle her nerves as she and Isaac sat side by side. Their shoulders touched, and Addie couldn’t help but tremble.
“You’re cold. I have to admit, I’m a little chilled myself,” Isaac said. “I didn’t think to bring a coat, but I could offer you my suit jacket.”
“No, I’m fine. I should have grabbed a coat at the house, but my mind wasn’t on it.”
“What was it on, Addie?”
There weren’t very many people on the trolley, so Addie couldn’t use that as an excuse not to discuss her personal thoughts.
“My mind has been a jumble of thoughts lately.”
“Does that include thoughts of us?”
Addie felt her chest tighten as if an iron band had wrapped itself around her. She couldn’t lie to him. “I suppose so.”
“Addie, we used to be able to tell each other everything. We never hid our feelings. Why are you afraid to be honest now?”
She didn’t answer for a very long time. What should she say? What could she? As he had guessed, she did still love him. She had never been happier to be with someone in her life than she was with Isaac. But again, the past cameto haunt her. She would never be that sweet, innocent girl Isaac loved.
“Why can’t you leave it be?” She fought back tears. She wanted to be strong and bear up under this so that he wouldn’t feel sorry for her. Nothing would be worse than to have his pity.
He lifted her chin. “Because I don’t mean to live my life without you.”
Isaac’s words echoed in her head hours later when she was lying awake in her old bed at Pearl and Otis’s house. She tossed and turned so much she wasn’t at all certain she’d ever get to sleep.
A light knock sounded on her door, and Addie knew that she had probably awakened Pearl. “Come in.”
Pearl opened the door. “Would you like some warm milk? I brought a glass just in case.”
“I don’t know that it will help, but it probably can’t hurt.” Addie turned on the lamp by her bedside and sat up against the iron headrail. “I’m sorry if I woke you up with all my moving about.”
“You didn’t. I haven’t been able to sleep either after you told me about Isaac.” She handed Addie the milk, then took a seat on the bed. “You can’t go on like this.”
“I know. I’ve told myself that over and over.” She sipped the milk and found it soothing. “I suppose the only thing to do is just tell him all that happened, but Pearl, I know it won’t matter to him.”
“Then maybe it shouldn’t matter to you. Nothing thathappened to you was your fault. So maybe you need to stop carrying the guilt and blame.”
“I wish I could, but even you don’t know everything.” She put her focus on the milk. “I doubt you’d still want me in your life if you did.”
“Addie, did you work in the brothel?”
Addie snapped her head up. “No!”
“Do you realize even if you had, you can be forgiven? Think of the woman caught in adultery in the Bible. They were all gathered around to stone her to death for her sin. Jesus told them that whoever was without sin could go first.”
Addie nodded. “And they all dropped their rocks and walked away.”
“And Jesus told the woman, ‘Go and sin no more.’ But first He told her that He didn’t condemn her. He doesn’t condemn you for whatever you think you’ve done wrong. Especially if you were forced to do it. You bear no guilt ... no sin, Addie.”
