“My, he is a handsome fellow.” She looked up to meet Addie’s gaze. “So why isn’t this a good thing?”
Addie looked away and shook her head. “The past holds too many issues to allow us to be together now. I can’t tell him about it. I really can’t tell you ... everything. It’s too horrible, and I’m afraid it would change everything between us.”
“Nonsense, Addie Bryant. I would think you’d know me better. You’ve been like a daughter to me these last seven years. There is nothing that would keep me from caring about you.”
“I know you feel that way now, but in time, the truth might make you feel differently.”
“I should be insulted by what you’re saying, but instead, I’ll tell you this.” She fixed Addie with a stern expression. “There will always be things we hope will never be found out about our past. Some are small and insignificant, but others can be quite profound, and people of lesser character will use them against you. I am not one of them. No matter how horrible you believe your sins, I will love you as I always have.”
Addie’s eyes filled with tears. “But your reputation in the church is so important to me.”
“You let me worry about my reputation, Addie. That is my concern, and mine alone. The Lord already knows what’s happened, so why not share it with me and let me help you bear your burden?”
A sense of relief washed over Addie at the mere thought of someone helping her to bear this burden. Millie had helped in Dawson City, but over the years, they’d lost track of each other. Addie didn’t even know if Millie was still alive.
“I’ll tell you, but if you feel you must walk away from our friendship, I’ll understand.”
Pearl said nothing. She shook her head ever so slightly and gave Addie a tolerant smile. It made Addie smile as well. Pearl would never desert her. Pearl’s love wasn’t given lightly.
“Isaac was only in Dawson City for a year. He wanted to attend Harvard, and the cost was far more than his father could come up with. They got it in their mind to go north with the gold rush. Someone had told them that the real money to be made was in the services they could offer to the miners. And it proved true. They opened a general store and sold all of their goods within the year, then headed back down.”
Addie set the tray aside on the bed. “Isaac promised to come back for me, although we both knew it would take years for him to attain the education he needed. He was only eighteen. It was so hard to see him go, but we were both confident that we were meant to be together.”
“Did he write to you and you to him?”
“The cost made it almost impossible for me to send him letters. I know he sent several to me, but my father always threw them directly into the fire making sure I knew he didn’t approve.”
“How awful. So what happened that you no longer feel you can be together?”
Addie frowned. “When I was eighteen my father died. He and my brothers had made a living gambling and stealing. You know those cinnamon rolls I make?” Pearl smiled and nodded. “Well, my father realized there was money to be made in my making and selling them, so he put me to work doing that. It made good, steady money for them, and I didn’t mind. It was easy and kept them out of my business. None of them wanted to spend time in a kitchen.
“When my father died, my brothers were restless. I think they originally planned to leave Dawson City. I suppose they considered me a burden and decided to dispense with me.” Addie’s discomfort grew, and she stopped to reconsider what she would say. She didn’t have to tell Pearl everything.
“They decided to ... to ... sell me to a man who owned a gambling house and ... brothel.” She hurried to continue. “He married me, and that was the end of my dream with Isaac.”
“Are you still married?”
“No, someone accused him of cheating them and shot him dead.”
“I see.” Pearl seemed to consider all of this a moment, and Addie hoped she wouldn’t ask anything else.
“My brothers were there, and as soon as I appeared, they told me I belonged to them again. I knew that I could never be under their control again, so my friend helped me escape.”
“And you came here and found us.”
“Yes, Isaac would have said it was by God’s guidance that we came together, you and I.” She smiled. “I suppose I can accept that. However, in accepting that, I have to also accept that He had a hand in the other things that happened. That is harder to deal with.”
“Addie, we’ve talked about this before. God doesn’t always like what happens down here.”
“But He lets it happen. If He’s all powerful and really loves us as you claim, why doesn’t He stop it? Why did He allow my brothers to sell me?”
“I’ll admit, I don’t have the answer to that, except to say that God does care, and He does love you. Man is terrible at times. His sins are great, and he will answer for what he has done. Your brothers will answer for what they’ve doneto you. So too the man who bought you. Even though he made you his wife, you were not a willing participant. Your marriage was not based on love.”
“But it ruined me just the same. I can’t give myself to Isaac knowing that will always stand between us.”
“If the boy loves you, it won’t matter to him.”
“I know ... and that makes it all the worse.”
