And if He was, so what? What good had He been to them?
He’d allowed their father to be a drunk. To leave them and pretend he was dead. Sure, it was at Granddad’s urging, since their father had already started another family. An idea her grandfather probably got from her that night when shethoughtDad was dead.
But Dad had agreed. Had gone through with it. Left them.
Then God had allowed Mama to die.
And now Granddad.
He’d allowed Garrett Sinclair toattackher.
Where were you, God? Why didn’t you help?
Enough.
She wiped her face with the back of her hand again and straightened her shoulders. No time now for tears. Only the tasks ahead of her ...
Tell her family. Send for the doctor. Send for their pastor. Plan another funeral.
In the dead of winter.
Her heart sped up. She couldn’t breathe. How was she going to do all this?How?
She pulled the bottle from her pocket and took a sip, closing her eyes as the burn hit the back of her throat. Her pain didn’t fade, but as the warmth eased through her, she seemed to float above the anxiety that had become her daily companion. Ever since that awful day.
The day Sinclair attack––
No. Don’t think about that.
Another small sip, another spreading burn, and her thoughts settled. Focus on one task at a time.
One, tell the family.
She tugged on the collar of her blouse and forced herself to look back to Granddad’s still form.
Her heart broke, and a cry almost escaped her. Oh, to sit with him and have one more conversation. To tell him what was going on with her. The truth, this time. He would understand.
But ... she hadn’t made her peace with him. Oh, they’d acted as if nothing was different, but only because they were both too stubborn to confront the situation. Not after he’d shared the truth with them about her father. Not after he’d invited Dad’s other familyhere. To live with them, the daughters her father abandoned.
The night they arrived was the same night that Garrett had put his hands on her.
Oh, Granddad, how could you leave me?
She sank to the edge of his bed. “I wasn’t angry at what you did. Dad deserved it. And really, you saved us. But why? Why did you keep it a secret? Fromme? Didn’t you think I could handle it?”
With a shake of her head, she banished the thoughts. Granddad knew what she’d seen as a child. What she’d done. What she’d endured.
Her sisters? They would never understand. They’d been so young. And they had been much more willing to show forgiveness. What would they think of her if they knew the truth of what was in her heart?
She stiffened. They wouldn’t. She’d make sure of that. It was her job now to keep them together. Keep things running.
She owed that much to Granddad.
Her fingers traced the outline of the bottle in her hand. At least she could count on this to help. To give her relief.She lifted it, took one more swallow, then put on the cap and tucked it away. She stood and walked to the door. Havyn and Madysen would be devastated, but John and Daniel would console them. Help them get through.
Who would helpher?
She closed her eyes again and faced the stark truth.
