Memories cascaded in and made Whitney miss her mother even more. So she pushed them away. The less she thought about Mama, the better it would be. Might even make it easier to let go.
Havyn’s and Madysen’s faces were then at the front of her mind. With Mama gone, Whitney had wanted to be there for them. Fill the void. But she’d failed at that. And look at her now.
What a mess.Sheneeded more tending to than they did. A fact she didn’t like to admit.
They were happy. She was not.
They were married. She was not.
With a shake of her head, she tried to banish the thoughts.
Maybe Judas’s offerwasher best option.
TEN
Whitney opened her coat and reached inside for the watch pinned to her chemise. It took quite an effort since she’d put on every piece of clothing she’d brought with her. But she was grateful for the five layers she had. Wouldn’t even have minded another layer or two.
Four hours had passed since the storm had barreled in on top of them. Prayerfully, it wouldn’t take another four for it to pass. As quickly as the storm had come upon them, and with such intensity, she hoped it would run out of steam soon.
The thought of children suffering—even dying—all because of her made her stomach turn.
Oh, it wasn’t her fault they were sick. But itwasher job to get them the supplies they needed. Storm or no storm.
The storm howled and railed against their shelter. She braced herself and counted to ten. She expected her oilskin tent to go flying away on a gust at any moment, but it held fast.Thank You, God.
She didn’tfeelparticularly close to God at the moment, but the prayer came easily and she found comfort in it. Was it familiarity? Habit?
It didn’t matter. God might be shuffling her off to the side right now, but He was still God. And He cared about those children. Everything she’d believed about God her whole life told her that was true. Nothing that had happened to her, not even the most terrible thing, could justify negating her mother’s teaching. Maybe God was close toher, no matter how she felt.
The wind blasted again, and her heart picked up its pace. How she longed to break out of the tiny shelter and breathe some fresh air! But that wasn’t wise. Blast, she hated this anxiety. She’d never dealt with any of this ever before. Why now? Wasn’t it enough that she’d had to lose dear family members? Why torture her by yanking her confidence from underneath her? It wasn’t fair.God, are You listening?
Stop it. Stop thinking about it. It wasn’t doing any good. Whitney took a deep breath. Then another.
Her stomach growled. She should go through the supplies and see what they had. It may not be wise to eat any of it yet, but at least she could make a list.
With a glance at Peter, whose light snoring a couple feet away soothed the frantic beating of her heart, she moved as stealthily as she could to the sled positioned above her. Outside the trench. Leaving the warmth of her spot made the dogs shift and look up at her. But then they put their heads down again.
They knew how to survive and how to retain their warmth. Amazing how God had given them those instincts. If only she had as much.
They’d had to pack light for speed. Why hadn’t she prepared better? Yutu knew a storm was coming. Why hadn’t she listened?
She clamped her eyes shut. Given the same circumstances,she wouldn’t have packed any differently. Sometimes storms were hours away. Sometimes they moved faster than anticipated. It was the way of nature. They’d taken the risk because lives were at stake.
They were fine. That’s what mattered. They had shelter. None of them was injured. And other than being a little cold, they werefine.
She emphasized the word over and over in her mind. Sooner or later she’d convince the fearful side of her brain to settle down.
Reaching into the leather bag Yutu had packed, she found several packets. Oiled cloths covered each one. The first and the largest held a good deal of seal blubber. Good. That would keep the dogs for another day. The fat would help them keep their bodies warm. Underneath the blubber for the dogs, she found two packets of smoked salmon and eight flat pieces of Amka’s fried bread.
Relief made her smile as she looked up. What would she do without these precious people in her life?
Peter shifted beside her, and the movement drew her gaze. He must feel safe to sleep so soundly. He had such confidence in her. Otherwise, he wouldn’t have asked her to take him to the village.
She trusted him too or she wouldn’t be here. Right? Peter always seemed to take away that edge of frantic upheaval in her heart. His gentle and calm nature reassured her even when she didn’t realize it.
She studied him.
He was a nice-looking man. A hard-working man who sacrificed on a daily basis for his patients. Why wasn’t he married? Was it because he gave everything for his patients?She weighed the options. Many women would have a problem sharing their husband with a long list of patients.
