The words were almost as powerful as a blow. Those three words left Nick with no doubt that his father was dying.
“About what, Father?” He lowered into the chair, feeling almost weak.
“Everything. I wish I’d been better ... a better father. It wasn’t until you’d gone ... that I could ... see what I’d done.”
Nick didn’t know what to say. The room seemed to close in on him. He’d come here not even knowing if his father was still alive. Now his father offered an apology for the past. It was completely unexpected. Especially since Nick had been the one to come seeking forgiveness.
“I know you are ... surprised.”
“I am. I wasn’t even sure I’d be allowed in the house, and now you tell me you were wrong.”
“I suppose ... knowing death is near ... makes me remember. I don’t ... like some of the memories.”
Nick took his hand again. “Father, all is forgiven on my part. I came here seekingyourforgiveness. I hope you will forgive me for the pain I caused you.”
“No pain. You made me ... proud. You were strong. I was the ... weak one. Didn’t want you to leave me ... like your mother. I was deep ... in sadness.”
Nick had never considered that. His father had never once let Nick see him mourning. Nick hadn’t been sure his mother had meant anything to the old man.
“I’m sorry. I never knew if you really loved her.”
His father struggled to breathe and began to cough. It lasted only a moment, however, as if his body had no energy for anything more. “I loved her ... so much. Now ... I’ll see her again.” He gave a hint of a smile.
Nick dared a question. “Did she know—that you loved her?”
His father nodded. “She did. I might have ... left you with questions ... but she knew.”
It made Nick glad to know this. His mother had never spoken a word against his father, but Nick had always thought that was just her way of being an obedient wife.
“So it is well between us?” Nick asked, giving his father’s hand a squeeze. “You forgive me the mistakes—the disappointments?”
“I do. Do you ... forgive me?”
“Yes.” Nick’s word was barely murmured, but the impact was monumental.
“When I thought ... how I might have lost you ... on thePolaris...” Father paused for a moment, then began again. “It made me ... mindful. I felt ... such regret.”
Nick thought back to that moment. “There was much regret to be had.”
“I ... hired a man. Wanted him ... to investigate the wreck.”
Nick stared at his father. “You hired an investigator to check into the wreck of thePolaris?”
“Yes. Wanted to make sure ... you were treated fairly.”
“I was.” Nick had never known or even suspected that his father had sought to investigate the wreck. Nick remembered a man who’d come to talk to him and take notes, but he’d assumed the man was from the insurance company.
“You weren’t to blame. The storm ... shifted. Caught ... two dozen ships unaware.”
“I’m to blame because it happened on my command. I was responsible for the ship and those men. Midwest storms can be tricky things. Then you add in the lake, and it only adds to the situation.” Nick shook his head. “I wanted so much to prove myself to you.”
His father smiled. “You did, son. The investigator ... told me how ... you risked your life ... trying to save your men.”
Nick remembered it as if it were yesterday. He’d tried to save them all, but there hadn’t been time. Just as now, there was no time to spend with his father. No time to renew their relationship. No time.
“You’re a ... good man, Nicodemus. I am ... proud of you.”
Nick was overwhelmed and didn’t know what to say. It was all that he’d wanted to hear from his father. That, and to know his father loved him.
