“A captain should always be aware of his surroundings. He should be constantly on watch for dangers, seen and unseen. I got caught up with my own agenda. I wanted to make up time, and instead I lost everything.”
“But, Nick, you didn’t intend for those men to die. You are one of hundreds, if not thousands, of captains who have been caught off guard and had no chance to get to safety. Even if you had ... there’s no telling what might have happened.”
“There’s no excuse for my lapse in judgment.” He shook his head. “I took the news to each of the dead men’s families. They were brokenhearted—devastated. I gave them my apology as well as a bonus in lieu of each man’s life. It was my own money—not even the company’s funds. I thought it the very least I coulddo. Later, as the story was passed around the community, some saw no fault in my choices and others did. Some forgave me and others hated me. I hated myself.” He gazed off across the landscape beyond the locks. “I still do.”
“I wish you didn’t.”
He looked back at her. His blue eyes bored into her heart. “Why? Why should it matter so much to you?”
She smiled. “Because you can’t love with hate in your heart.”
Caroline looked at her uncle in disbelief. “What are you saying?”
“Nelson doesn’t want a divorce. He will not agree to grant you one. He wants you back at the house, fulfilling your role as wife.”
“I won’t go. I want nothing to do with him.”
“He has assured me that he will never again speak harshly to you, nor will he fail to include you in his plans.”
“Ha! He’s a liar and a beast. Why should I believe him? I thought he loved me, but he clearly only loved the money you gave him. Had I known he demanded such a large dowry ... well, I never would have agreed to marry him.”
“But what’s done is done. Oh, I do wish your sister had stayed here. Perhaps you would have talked to her ... or better yet, listened to her. Your aunt is positively beside herself at the thought of scandal.”
Caroline shook her head and rose to leave. “That’s what concerns you?” No thought for the beating Nelson had given her on their wedding night. Of course, she hadn’t told her aunt and uncle about Nelson’s striking her. She had held back, uncertainwhat her father might have done had he known. Now she was beginning to regret not just telling them. Except for Etta, no one knew how black and blue she’d been when she first arrived here. Nelson only hit her where it wouldn’t show.
“I am sorry that your marriage is less than ideal, but, Caroline, you must give the man a chance to make it right. After all, you are married in God’s eyes, and ... well, I assume that you have been together as man and wife.”
She turned a bit too quickly and stared at him blankly. “Yes, unfortunately, we have been together as man and wife, but if I have anything to say about it, we never will again.”
“Caroline, be reasonable—”
“I have been reasonable,” she interjected. “Frankly, I’m done being reasonable.”
She left the room and climbed the stairs to her old bedroom. She’d said nothing about the extent of her injuries nor of Nelson’s indignities, but perhaps she should. Maybe it would give her uncle a reason to reconsider his push for her return to Nelson’s prison.
“I’m going to lie down,” she told Etta. “Help me rid myself of this gown ... please.”
It was odd how Elise’s suggestion to show kindness had changed Caroline’s relationship with the maid. The girl seemed to care about her rather than just go through the paces of her duties.
“Of course, madam.” The maid went to work unfastening the buttons and hooks. After she’d helped Caroline step out of the dress, she reached for the corset ties.
“No, leave it. I’m sure I won’t be able to rest for long.”
The maid nodded. “Would you like the window opened a bit? It’s quite pleasant outside.”
Caroline nodded and pulled one of the lacy pillows into her arms to hug. “That would be very nice. Thank you.”
Etta opened the window and then headed for the door. “Should I wake you in time to dress for dinner?”
“No, I’d prefer you bring me a tray tonight. I don’t want to sit through another formal dinner with Uncle James interrogating me about my situation.”
The maid nodded and exited the room, pulling the door closed behind her. Caroline sighed. None of them knew how great her pain was. She was humiliated amongst her peers, and all of society would look at her past and her upbringing and whisper about how expected it was that she should embarrass her aunt and uncle and husband in such a fashion. After all, she was just a ship captain’s daughter.
She closed her eyes as tears began to fall. She had stupidly chosen to fall in love in the wake of her mother’s death. The pain of losing her had been more than Caroline could bear. More than she could admit to Elise, who had remained true to the family. When Caroline had learned of her mother’s death, she hadn’t even been able to cry. She’d been numb—unable to know what she was feeling. Uncertain that she was feeling anything at all. Nelson made her feel alive again. He was attentive in his courtship, which upon reflection, surprised her more and more. His game had only been about money, and hers had been about status. Her mother had left society and her privileged life because of love. Caroline thought she was getting it back for the sake of the same.
“I was such a selfish girl,” she murmured as the hot tears fell. “And now I’m being punished. God must hate me.”
TheMary Elisereached Duluth on the thirtieth of September. There had been more than one storm to contend with, but they’d come through in good order. Elise was glad her father had taken no chances with theMary Eliseand crew. He always made her feel safe and protected with his knowledge of the lakes and places where they could find shelter.
