“Ben—”
“Don’t worry. We aren’t going to get into a big discussion about our feelings.”
“Thank heaven.”
“But trust me on this, no matter how complicated it is, if you can win her heart, it will change your life.”
“That’s the thing, Benjamin,” Gil said. “We’re pretty sure he’s already won her heart. He just doesn’t seem to know what to do with it.”
“We’re not doing this.” Zane turned to Luke. “Take me to Tessa’s. Please.”
“Let’s go.”
TESSA DROVE STRAIGHT HOME.It was a coping mechanism she’d learned early on in her recovery. Home was safe, so when she was upset, tired, frustrated, overwhelmed, or anxious, she went home. She didn’t go shopping. She didn’t go to a movie. She didn’t go for a drive.
She went home. She took a different route than her usual one. It would add a few minutes to her overall time, but it served two purposes. It would be easier to spot a tail, and if workers were stilldigging up the road they’d been working on for the past week in preparation for a widening project, it would help her avoid being delayed by road construction.
Zane would not be happy that she cut out without talking to him, but he’d check to see where she was. He would see that she was at home, and he’d go to his hotel. He’d text her at some point. She’d reply in a few hours with a lame “I don’t know how I missed this,” and by tomorrow she’d have an excuse for her abrupt departure. He wouldn’t believe it, but he’d pretend to buy it because he wanted her friendship. And that would have to be enough for both of them.
She never should have let herself—not even the tiny, fragmented parts of her—believe she could have Zane. He needed a nice girl from a nice family with a nice past. Not one who had lost hours, days, weeks of her life to alcohol. He’d told her so, not long after they met.
They’d been sitting in the car for hours watching an informant. It was dark, and they were both bored senseless. To pass the time, they covered their life histories. She told him about her dad, who was sick at the time. He told her about his mom. He didn’t get into details, not then. That came later. But he made a throwaway comment that she’d never forgotten.
“I don’t think I could ever trust a woman who drinks. It’s a slippery slope. One day I might wake up in love with a woman who needs alcohol more than she needs me. I’m not going to put myself through that.”
She didn’t know if he remembered saying that, but she knew his concern that she would lose the fight to alcohol was there, between them, every time he looked at her. Thought of her.
She was safe as a friend. Nothing more.
Tessa grabbed a tissue from the console and dabbed the moisture from her eyes. Then grabbed another to blow her nose. This crying jag wasn’t over. Not even close. But she couldn’t walk intoher apartment lobby with tears streaming down her face. The security team that guarded the doors had developed a fondness for her over the past few years. In part because she brought them chocolate chip cookies warm from her oven, but also because they were good men and women.
She could probably get past them like this. But she’d never make it if she walked in sobbing.
She put a fresh tissue in her hand and with one last sniffle, exited her car. She wasn’t proud of it, but she faked a sneeze as she walked in the door and threw up a hand in greeting as she hurried to the elevator.
The ruse might not have been necessary, but it hadn’t hurt. She made it all the way to her door without being accosted by any well-meaning neighbors or security guards.
Every part of her relaxed as she entered her apartment. She hung her bag on the hook by the door, slipped off her shoes, and tossed her car keys, keycard, and badge into the bowl in her small entryway.
The tears she’d held back pressed against her eyes, and she gave up the fight as she entered her bedroom. She fumbled with the gun at her waist and dropped it into her nightstand drawer. She could barely see through the flood but made it to her bed, where she fell face-first and released all the hurt into a pillow.
She cried until her eyes pulsed with every heartbeat. Then she lay on the bed while the tears dried on her cheeks and left her skin tight and burning.
She stayed there in an exhausted stupor, unwilling to give in to sleep, reluctant to return to the world that waited for her. Her phone had dinged multiple times, probably texts from Zane, Luke, Gil, Benjamin, Faith, Ivy, and Sharon. Emily and Hope might know by now.
They denied it, but the men in her office gossiped like old women. They were probably on a group text right now, discussing what had happened and how they were going to handle it.
She closed her eyes. Maybe sleep was the best solution. Everyone would be waiting for her tomorrow.
THE RIDE TO TESSA’S APARTMENTwas silent. Zane took advantage of the quiet to text Tessa.
We need to talk. Where are you?
When she didn’t respond, he texted again.
You know I’m not going to back off.
Crickets.
