“Be careful. With her and with yourself. You don’t want to say something you can’t take back.”
“I’m not the one you need to be worried about.” Zane grabbed his keys. He and Luke had been roommates since his house was destroyed last spring. It worked out great, most of the time. Right now, Zane would give just about anything for some privacy. “I’ll be back.”
He climbed in the car and kept his speed low. It was a neighborhood, and he had no plans to accidentally take out someone’s family pet in his haste.
When he pulled into the parking lot of the clubhouse area, he saw that Tessa hadn’t waited for him. He parked and took his time following the trail. It didn’t take him long to spot Tessa’s long hair whipping in the breeze, her brown skin glowing under the small trail light by the park bench set up in a curve of the path.
She stood by the bench, braced for whatever was about to happen.
Lord, please don’t let me mess this up.He wanted to be gentle, but what came out of his mouth sounded like a cross between a growl and a snarl. “We need to talk.”
Her chin came up. “We do. And if it’s all the same to you, I’ll go first. I’m sick and tired of your not-so-subtle attempts to manage my life. Just because you helped me find my feet as an agent when I moved here, just because you took me to rehab, just because you took care of things while I was gone—none of that gives you the right to control my life.”
She took a quick breath and kept going. “I’m an alcoholic, Zane. I will always be an alcoholic. But I’m healing. I’m free. I don’t want to go back to the person I was, and I’m not in immediate danger of a relapse.”
“I never—”
“Don’t. Don’t try to explain it away. I get it. I do. Your mother never managed to hold on to her sobriety, and your childhood was a nightmare because of it. You care about me, and you’re terrified I’ll be like her.”
He couldn’t argue with that.
“But I’mnotyour mother. My life experience, and my alcoholism, is not the same as hers. I saw the path I was on, and I turned my life around before I lost everything. I’m not perfect. I’m not infallible. But I refuse to allow alcohol to steal the life God has purposed for me. I have so much to live for. So much to hope for. And I’m thankful, truly, for the way you stepped in and stayed by me for the past few months. But you are not my nanny. You are not my sponsor. And if you keep going the way you’re going, you won’t even be my friend.” Her voice broke and the next breath she took was ragged, her next words quiet.
“Can you imagine how hard it is for me to have you hovering at every gathering? Questioning every decision? Do you really think the others didn’t know exactly what you were getting at when you asked if I was going straight home?”
He wanted to deny the accusation, but the lie wouldn’t come.He dropped to the bench and rested his head in his hands. For a long minute, neither of them spoke. Then Tessa sat beside him.
“Why are we so messed up?” Her words were a whisper. “When you aren’t treating me like I’m a grenade with the pin pulled halfway out, you’re one of my favorite people in the world.”
Zane sat up and turned toward Tessa. “You’re my favorite. Hands down.”
Her eyes widened.
“And that’s why we’re so messed up.”
“I don’t understand.” Tessa threw up her hands. “If we like each other, what is the problem?”
“Tess.” Her name on his lips was a frustrated groan.
“IT’S MY FAULT, ISN’T IT?Because of ... what I did. Before.” Even now, Tessa couldn’t make herself say it out loud. At first, she’d done a great job of hiding her attraction to Zane. He had been assigned to bring her up to speed in the Raleigh office. He wasn’t in her chain of command, technically, and it wouldn’t have been wrong for them to get together, but Zane had never given her a hint that he might consider her to be anything other than a friend. And she hadn’t wanted to make things awkward.
Until he came to her apartment one night to pick up some paperwork he wanted to get a head start on over the weekend, and she threw herself at him.
“Tessa. No.” He’d been gentle but firm. “You’re drunk.” When she came toward him again, his voice took on a bitter edge. “Tessa. Really? I’ve told you about my mom. It doesn’t matter how attracted I am to you or you are to me. This”—he waved a hand between them—“will never happen.”
He left, and they never discussed it. Not when he took her torehab or visited her at rehab or brought her home after graduation from rehab.
But they had to discuss it now.
“Look.” She took a deep breath, but before she could continue, Zane took her hands.
“Tessa, the way I see it, we have two choices. We either choose to be civil and only interact at the office, or we choose to be friends. Just friends. Regardless of any attraction we feel toward each other, the path to something more than friendship is one we can’t walk. You’re only a few months into your sobriety, and that’s where your focus needs to stay.”
“I’m well aware of what I need to do to protect myself and continue to heal. I don’t need you to tell me how to live my life, Zane.”
“I know.” He squeezed her hands. “And I’m sorry. You’re not wrong. I can see how I’ve made things confusing and frustrating for you by acting like I have some say in what you do or don’t do. Please accept my apology.”
Tessa’s thoughts spun, and it took her several breaths before she could respond. “I accept your apology.”
