Has anyone shown up?I ask.Reporters?Photographers?
Yeah, there are a couple who are hanging around.Not doing much.But my phone…She lets out an incredulous, bitter laugh.My phone is blowing up.My parents, of course.They saw the story somehow and must have recognized my blurry face.
Something dark and ugly twists in my chest.What did they say?
She hesitates, then reads, voice flat:
‘So this is what you’re doing now?Parading your poor choices into the spotlight for the whole city to see?’
My hands fist.
Another one,she adds quietly.‘You’re a mother, Edith.You should be ashamed of yourself, involving Joey in this circus.Haven’t you embarrassed us enough?’
I want to reach through the phone and tear the messages out of existence.
They don’t get to speak to you like that,I say, voice low.
They always have,she says softly.That’s sort of their thing.
My chest aches.Eddie—
I can’t do this,she blurts.Sidney, I can’t.Joey—he didn’t sign up for this.I didn’t sign up for this.People online are already commenting about him.What if someone figures out what school he goes to?What if someone bothers him in person?I can’t…I can’t expose him to that.
Her voice breaks on the last word.
I swallow hard.We’ll protect him.
How?she demands.You can’t control the internet.Or people with cameras.Or what my parents say to him if they ever decide to show up again.They’ve already told me I’m ruining his life for the second time.
Rage flares, hot and blinding.
They were wrong the first time.Having Joey was the best decision,I say quietly.She goes silent.I know how people talk,I add.I can and will protect you from the media.
A shaky breath pulls through the line.I don’t want Joey to grow up thinking he’s a mistake.Or that he’s a burden or some consequence I should be ashamed of.
He’s not,I say fiercely.He’s the best damn thing.
I know that,she whispers.But they don’t.And the more attention this gets, the louder they get.The louder everyone gets.
I hear it then—beneath the panic, beneath the anger.The fear.
Not just of the media.Of history repeating itself.So instead of staying and fighting with me, she’s going to retreat.
I think we should…step back.Slow down again,she says, the words sounding torn from her.Just for a while.Until the attention dies down and things get quiet.
The floor might as well have dropped out from under me.
Eddie—
I need to put Joey first,she says.I know you care about him.I know you care about us.But this is too much, too fast.
I close my eyes.Old me would’ve shut down.Numbed out.Protected myself by retreating.
This me can’t.
I understand you need to protect him,I say eventually, voice tight.I respect that.But I’m not walking away.
She lets out a broken, half-sobbing sound.I’m not asking you to walk away forever.Just…for a little while.We can still text.Still talk.But I don’t think we should see each other in person temporarily.
