This time his sigh was deeper. He set down his coffee and ran a hand through his hair. “What if I’m not good at this family thing? I remember what I’m capable of. What I did to Alden.”
Sierra’s breath caught. They’d never talked about that night in detail, not really.
“He tried to press charges,” she said softly. “After you left.”
“What?” Rowan’s head snapped up. “Aw, I knew he would.”
“Alden came to see Grandpa the next day. Said you’d attacked him without provocation, that you were dangerous.” Sierra’s voice grew stronger as she remembered her grandfather’s response. “Grandpa told him that if he pressed charges, it would interfere with your enlistment. Said the military was probably the best thing for you at that point. I think he might have mentioned, too, that he would testify on your behalf. And perhaps he added other threats, I dunno. But no charges were filed in the end.”
His eyes widened. “Your grandfather saved me from jail.”
“My grandfather saved you from a stepfather who deserved what you gave him and more,” Sierra snapped. “But Rowan, you have to stop thinking that protecting yourself makes you like Alden.”
“You don’t understand.” Rowan’s voice roughened with old pain. “When I hit him, when I felt that power, that ability to hurt someone…” He shook his head. “I scared myself, Sierra. I wanted to keep hitting him.”
“Because he’d been hurting you for years. Because you were eighteen and finally strong enough to fight back.” Sierra reached for his hand, lacing their fingers together. “That doesn’t make you him.”
“How can you be sure?”
“Because you’re like your dad.” The words came out with quiet certainty. “You run toward trouble to protect people, not away from it.”
Rowan looked away then, something broken on his face. “My dad died because of me.”
Sierra stared at him. “What? No, he didn’t, Rowan. It was an accident.”
“He was working with a new horse in the corral, trying to train him. Green broke, but still skittish.” Rowan’s voice grew distant, lost in memory. “I was chasing our barn cat. Stupid cat had gotten into the feed room, and I was trying to catch him before he made a mess.”
Sierra waited, sensing the weight of whatever was coming.
“I ran right into the corral without thinking. The horse spooked, reared up. Dad saw what was happening and threw himself between me and those hooves.” Rowan’s voice cracked. “Took the kick that should have been mine.”
“Rowan…”
“If I hadn’t been chasing that stupid cat. If I’d just paid attention, looked where I was going…” He shook his head. “My mom was right. If I’d just controlled myself, controlled my emotions, he’d still be alive.”
Tears pricked Sierra’s eyes. “You were eight years old. Children chase cats. Children run without looking. That’s what children do.”
“Children get people killed.”
“Fathers protect their children. That’s what fathers do.” Sierra found his gaze with hers. “Your dad didn’t die because you were reckless. He died because he loved you enough to put himself in harm’s way.”
Rowan was quiet for a long moment, staring at their joined hands.
“What if I can’t be that kind of father?” he asked finally.
“You already are.” Sierra gestured toward where Huck was practicing. “You’ve been here six days, and you’ve already turned this place into the safest spot in three counties. You watch him practice and your whole face lights up. You worry about his confidence and his technique and whether telling him the truth will mess up his focus.” She squeezed his hand. “Trust me, you’re already that kind of father.”
He swallowed, but nodded, something raw and hopeful on his face.
They watched Huck dismount and check his imaginary time, then pump his fist in celebration.
Oh, her heart just swelled with the overwhelming desire to protect this moment forever.
“We should probably head inside soon,” Sierra said, though she made no move to stand. “I need to start dinner, and you should check in with Saxon.”
“In a minute.” Rowan’s eyes were fixed on the barn ruins visible beyond the practice area. “What are you planning to do about that?”
Sierra followed his gaze to the twisted wreckage. The skeletal remains of the structure seemed to burrow further into her soul every day.
