‘How did you feel? It must have been so weird?’ Trisha asked.
‘It was weird, but I was glad to see him moving on. I was more worried about him seeing me with John, but he didn’t seem to pay too much attention. Nothing new there.’
‘I can’t imagine being married to a man and then seeing him with someone else,’ Trisha mused.
‘It’s really no different from seeing any of your exes with someone else, to be honest. There’s a lot of emphasis on the word marriage, but it only means something if both people work hard at it. Otherwise, it’s only a piece of paper.’ Harsh, but true. I’d found out the hard way.
‘I guess so.’ Trisha was still waiting for her man to pop the question; it was definitely on the cards. Jane was newly married, so she was still in the madly in love phase. I prayed it would always be that way for her.
Later, when we returned to Killala, we sat outside the houses in Trisha’s car, with the engine running.
‘We’ll see you at the wedding next week?’ Trisha checked as I opened the car door and wrapped my woollen coat tighter around me.
‘Oh yeah. I’d completely forgotten about that.’ I smacked my hand to my forehead. I wasn’t surprised to hear both Trisha and Jane had been invited too.
‘What are you wearing?’ I asked her through the wound down window.
‘Full length,’ Trisha said. ‘Go big or go home! Safe travels my dear, see you next week.’ She waved as she reversed carefully out the drive and dropped Jane at her front door, in between the two of us. It occurred to me not for the first time today how lucky I was to have these two women as friends as I embarked on the next chapter of my life.
Chapter Thirty-Five
FRIDAY 7TH DECEMBER
It turned out that Irish weddings were massive. The day after the wedding, ‘The Afters’ as they referred to it, was just a big a deal as the wedding itself nearly. A normal person might die of alcohol poisoning if they were thrown off the deep end into a two-day drink fest with barely a couple of hours’ sleep in between. For me, a self-confessed semi-functioning wino, it was like a slice of heaven had fallen out of the sky and straight into my lap.
I floated down the stairs in John’s house, feeling a million dollars in a gorgeous navy maxi dress from Coast. It was strapless, with a sweetheart shaped neckline and a split up the right side, giving the occasional flash of painstakingly applied tan.
John let out a long low appreciative whistle as I reached the bottom step and kissed his full lips. ‘I feel sorry for the bride,’ he said, loyally.
‘You don’t scrub up too badly yourself.’ He wore a beautifully tailored navy three-piece suit, a crisp-white shirt and navy bow tie.
‘I didn’t have you pegged as the bow tie sort.’ I straightened it for him while he looked suggestively down the front of my dress.
‘I won’t stick it past the church, but its grand for now,’ he said.
Mama Bear had taken Harley for the night. I hadn’t realised how tying it was having a dog, as adorable as he was, but John’s parents were only down the road and more than happy to mind him for us.
John held the passenger door of the Audi open and I slid into the leather seat and tried not to think about the butterflies in my stomach. It was our first big outing as a proper couple, and we’d apparently been the talk of the tiny town for the last few months. I’d normally dispel fears like that immediately with the rationale of ‘who in their right mind really had any time to be worrying what other people are doing’. But the fact that Trisha and Jane had heard everything about me before John had even introduced us spoke volumes. Most of the town had heard John Kelly had a new English girlfriend, and a married one at that. We laughed it off, knowing the truth of our own situation was very different, but it didn’t prevent a flutter of nervous energy.
It was the first wedding I was attending since my divorce. I wondered how it would make me feel.
‘You’re quiet,’ John observed as we drove to the church. ‘Are you ok?’ He took a quick sideways glance at me.
‘Just thinking.’
‘What are you thinking?’
‘Everything and nothing.’ Too much to explain. He seemed to pick up on my mood, dropping his left hand onto my right thigh for the rest of the journey. For the millionth time, I wondered what I had done to deserve this wonderful man sitting next to me. He just got me. He understood me better than people I’d known for years. When I struggled to find the words I was looking for, he seemed to hear them somehow, anyway.
The church was absolutely ram packed with guests waiting in awe for the big event. The woman in the pew in front of meturned around swiftly to chance a look at the door and nearly took my eye out with her eccentric cerise pink headpiece. The organist began to play, the show was about to start.
Natalie made an absolutely beautiful bride. Blonde, tanned, skinny and stylish with a low cut backless slinky dress and a full-length veil. She virtually glowed. The groom was very handsome in his tuxedo and tie, dark hair and dark eyes. When he knelt at the altar, I saw someone had written HELP on the bottom of his shoes, which gave the congregation a collective giggle.
The church ceremony was the full hour and a half Catholic mass with communion, John held my hand throughout the entire mass, pointing out several of his friends and people he knew. We were in our own little bubble, communicating without uttering a word.
Scanning the faces of curious strangers, I tried to imagine myself as a permanent fixture, struggling to envision it, though it was soon to be my reality. I glanced over at John kneeling in the pew next to me, pretending he was deep in prayer but the lingering look over my cleavage told me his thoughts were far from holy.
Eventually they were pronounced man and wife and we left the church for the hotel. I needed a glass of wine, being in Church freaked me out. I never felt comfortable in them, even more so now. If there were such a thing as hell, I’m sure my recent activity would ensure that’s exactly where I’d be sent.
