The cattle grazing nearby took no notice as I glanced approvingly at the solitude of my surroundings and inhaled the fresh morning air deeply, working on my breathing. Anxiety haunted me from the drink, but also from the strangeness of my new-found freedom.
I pulled myself onto a large rock overlooking the rock pools and pulled the body warmer tighter around me.
Surprisingly, I relished not being able to see or hear another soul. It was like staring at my very own slice of the world in that moment.
I was a long way from the city, but for the first time in my life it came as a relief. I felt strangely safe and sheltered from the responsibilities of the real world. A sense of comfort stemmed from the knowledge that I could escape everything and everyone, for a weekend at least.
I hadn’t realised quite how much I needed a break from my normal, if you could call it a normal, life.
Random mismatched thoughts whirred around my head, swirling like the waves of the ocean that I watched.
I contemplated the intensity of my connection with John. He was the yin to my yang, the gin to my tonic, and the strawberry to my champagne. Life was more colourful in his company.
It seemed too good to be true. But it wasn’t, not when I stripped it right back to basics.
His life was here, mine was across the water. My friends, my family (albeit only half of them were talking to me at present), my job.
The thought of starting again, whether it be here, Dublin, Edinburgh or anywhere else for that matter seemed increasingly unappealing. But I had a horrible feeling the magnetic pulling force drawing me to John might outweigh anything else in the end.
I couldn’t believe I’d found him. Whatever it took, long distance relationship or not, I had to go with it. I wasn’t going to lose him after working so hard to free myself in order to be with him. Though none of it was going to be easy.
A sense of calm enveloped me. I somehow persuaded my inner control freak to accept that I didn’t have to come up with all the answers today.
AndIdidn’t have to come up with them at all.
Wedid. I wasn’t in it alone. And that knowledge empowered me. I’d finally met my match, my equal.
‘So, this is where you’re hiding.’ John’s gruff voice broke the silence, startling me, from behind.
‘You frightened the life out of me!’ My hand clutched my chest, resting over my speeding heart.
‘Not nearly as much as you frightened me when you were gone from my bed when I woke up. I thought you were headed straight for Knock Airport after meeting The Fockers last night.’ He sniggered at his own joke, still witty despite his hangover.
‘Your parents are fantastic. I adore them.’
‘I’m fairly sure the feeling is mutual,Baby Bear.’’
‘I’m so sorry I was a state last night. I haven’t been sick like that with drink in years.’
‘Yeah, I tend to have that effect on women. It’s a fine line, you need to drink enough to find me attractive and a finer line again to be able to hold it down afterwards.’ He climbed onto the rock next to me and put his arms round me protectively. ‘You’re the only woman in the world that can vomit gracefully.’ He kissed the top of my head and wrapped his strong arms around me.
‘One of my many talents. And you are gorgeous. You know you are. Stop pulling the ginger card with me. Your father told me about all the pretty women you’d brought to the pub before.’ I attempted to be light-hearted, but there was an element of curiosity apparent in my tone that, try as I might, I couldn’t disguise.
‘Did he happen to tell you they were all bat shit fucking crazy? For a ginger, I’ve been stalked more times than I can count.’
‘I can’t help but wonder about your past, seeing as everyone else around here seems to know more than me...’ It wasn’t that I wanted a detailed description, but I couldn’t help question why he was single. He was such a good catch.
For once, he abstained from his usual witty comeback, sensing my need for reassurance.
‘I don’t know what it is, to be honest. My parents always wanted to see me settled. I dated loads of girls. I’ve kissed a lot of frogs in my time, there’s no denying it. I’ve done things I’m not proud of. Who hasn’t? I’ve been ready to meet someone for a couple of years now, but it just didn’t happen.’
I sat quietly, willing him to carry on, to let me know him more. To let me in.
‘I’d go out with a girl, but within a month or two I’d see something I didn’t like. It could be something as stupid as a spot on her face, or the way she laughed or chewed her food. Once I saw that particular trait, I couldn’t unsee it. And then in my mind it grew bigger and bigger until it was all I could see. And then I’d have to call it a day. You’d swear I was Jamie Dornan with the pick of the women, the way I was carrying on, but I couldn’t help it. I couldn’t settle for anything less than perfect.’
‘So, should I be sitting here waiting for the bullet?’ I said gingerly, excuse the pun.
‘Don’t be ridiculous.’ He squeezed me tighter into his chest. ‘I told you before, I’m convinced there must be a film crew hiding around here in the bushes somewhere filming a reality TV show “You’ve Been Framed” Ginger Special.’
