None of us could understand it, my mother was nobody’s fool. She was the most loving parent I could have wished for growing up, a little over protective at times, but definitely nobody’s fool. She had a hard edge to her when it suited her, and growing up, we often joked about her Glaswegian Kiss, should anyone dare to cross her. But she had been with this miserable man for five years and none of us could understand it. Each to their own, as I found out the hard way.
My mother shot me a conspiring wink as the ceremony began. My brother stood at the top of the aisle with his floppy blonde hair grazing his eyes, looking exceptional in his tuxedo.
I scanned the pews, looking for Rob. There he was: two rows behind my mother, wearing a grey Gap suit from last year. I needn’t have worried about making eye contact with him – he was staring into space as usual.
Eventually, the ceremony drew to a close at long last and Simon and Heidi were pronounced Man and Wife.
Heidi had decided each bridesmaid would host a table at dinner, which suited me down to the ground. I got to spend the day with my best friend and cousin. Rachel swapped seats with Rob, reminding him she very rarely got to have dinner with her bestie. She’d saved me a few times this day already, and for that I was eternally grateful.
The food was fabulous and the sweet table was even better. I was an absolute devil for Haribo. You’d think, given my job, I’d know better.
Champagne flowed freely, no expense spared, and the sun shone gloriously all day, allowing the guests to make the mostof the outside patio bar and gardens until late in the evening. Despite the previous late night, I managed to stick it in the residents’ bar until five o’clock in the morning again, with my trusty sidekick, Raquelle, who could always be relied upon for ‘one more for the road.’
As the sun came up on the 28th of July, Rachel and I toasted new beginnings, quietly reflecting on the previous few months. It was surreal how everything had changed so dramatically in such a short space of time.
I reluctantly made my way to bed, doubting I would be able to sleep at all.
I was happy for my brother, the day had been everything they had wanted and more, and even though I moaned like hell about Bridezilla, it was an honour to be a bridesmaid at my brother’s wedding. I could only say that when it was over.
I waved them off on their two-week honeymoon to Mexico the following day, and then I decided I would sort my life out.
Or wreck it, depending how you looked at it.
Chapter Twelve
MONDAY 30TH JULY 2012
‘What do you mean you want a divorce?’ Rob was completely and utterly shocked to the core. Which in turn shocked me to the core. How could he be so clueless? After everything. Years of just nothingness. Surely he must have had some inclination.
‘I’m not happy, Rob. And I haven’t been for a long time. I’m sorry.’ I stood on the landing in the hall outside his bedroom as he sat on the bed where he slept alone every night. Was he living on a different planet to me?
‘I don’t know what more you could want.’ He threw his arms up in temper.
It was so incredulous, I almost laughed. Almost – it was far too serious a matter for that. I took a few deep breaths, battling to maintain my composure.
‘We live like brother and sister. In fact, brother and sister have more in common than we do. It’s been years since there’s been anything between us. We’re stuck in a rut that’s so deep; we’re suffocating in the soil that’s covering us. I’m sorry. I’m not going to change my mind; I want a divorce.’ I couldn’t make it any clearer.
He opted for a different approach.
‘The grass isn’t greener on the other side, Lucy. We have a good life together. I admit, it’s not the most exciting life, but no marriage is exciting after seven years.’ It was a poor attempt to persuade me.
‘We have a good life because I work hard for it,’ I said to him quietly.
‘There you go again, throwing it in my face because you earn more than me. I knew you’d bring that up,’ he retorted, throwing his hands dramatically into the air.
‘I’m not talking about money. I’m talking about the way I prepare dinner, ensure the house is clean, that your shirts are ironed, that the bills are paid, that we socialise at weekends, that we go on holiday. You never actually WANT to do anything. I always have to instigate everything. I’m your mother and your PA rolled into one, organising your life and picking up after you.’
He flinched, but it was only the truth. I’d kept it bottled up for too long and it all burst out like a bomb.
‘Well, what if I don’t want a divorce?’ He crossed his arms over his chest. ‘I’m happy with the way things are.’
‘Of course you’re fucking happy.’ I blew out a breath. Heat coloured my cheeks. I rubbed my temple as a vein pumped furiously. ‘Why wouldn’t you be? You’ve a great life, watching Sky fucking Sports all weekend, throwing your empty cans of Stella at your arse while I run around after you wondering quietly if you should be STUDYING,’ my voice cracked, tinged with hysteria.
It was futile, he refused to even acknowledge our problems.
‘I need to get out of this house, and I need to get out of this marriage before I say or do something I regret. I don’t want this to be any harder than it’s undoubtedly going to be, Rob, but it’s over between us. I’m sorry if it’s not what you want to hear. But I have to do what’s right for me for a change.’
Anger seeped from my body as quickly as it came, replaced with a deep sense of sadness at the entire situation.
