Which is why I’m going to give him the space he asked for.
It’s been a crazy few weeks. Things moved ridiculously fast between us. He’s right. My family took one look at us and assumed this was it. That we’d be the next ones down the aisle, and given the background Cillian’s come from, it’s understandable he’s panicking.
Part of me even expected it.
Though that doesn’t plug the planet-sized hole in my chest when I pat the cold sheets beside me. I pat the bedside table and locate my phone.
There’s a message from Cillian, sent an hour ago.
I had to go. We’ll talk when you get back.
Does ‘we’ll talk’ mean it’s over?
Or that he thinks we can talk through this stupid misunderstanding?
I roll out of bed, pull back the thick velour curtains and step out onto the wrap around terrace. The waves roll in a relentless rhythm, their peaks crowned with frothy white crests. They rise, they fall, just like the rest of us.
The ferry disappears into the distant horizon where the sea and sky meet. All I can do is pray that a little space from me and my overfamiliar family will make Cillian realise we’re meant to be together.
I throw on a shirt dress and flat pumps and go in search of coffee. Between yesterday’s alcohol and today’s uncertainty, the thought of food turns my stomach.
Breakfast is being served in the main restaurant and although my heart is heavy, I’ll hide it so as not to ruin my brother and Holly’s special few days.
Bonnie sits alone at a table set for four. She glances up as I enter.
‘Ava.’ She beckons me over with a pleading look in her eyes. ‘I’m so sorry for what I said last night. I wasn't thinking and I just blurted it out and I’ve been berating myself up about it ever since.’
‘It’s okay.’ I slip into the seat opposite her.
‘Is it? Did Cillian freak out like you thought he would?’ I nod.
A waitress stops by our table. ‘Tea or coffee.’
‘Coffee, please. Can you just leave the pot?’
She places it on the brilliant white tablecloth between us.
‘What happened?’ Bonnie stretches across the table, her voice low and urgent.
‘He panicked that history was repeating itself. Then he panicked because I told him I loved him.’
‘And where is he now?’
‘Somewhere over the Atlantic.’
‘Oh shit, Ava, I’m so sorry.’ Bonnie bites her nail. ‘I can’t believe I opened my big mouth.’
‘It’s okay. It’s not even about that, not really. It was more like he felt out of control. My parents insisting it’ll be us next at the altar definitely didn't help the situation.’
‘What are you going to do?’ Bonnie asks.
‘Nothing. He wants to feel in control, so I’m leaving it to him. He knows what I want. What he doesn’t know is if he’s ever going to be brave enough to try to give it to me. And that’s something only he can work out.’
It’s a bit like what I said to Phoebe when her mother left. Some people’s problems come from the inside. And Cillian has his fair share of them, but only he can fix them.
‘Things were going so well between you.’ Bonnie sighs.
‘It’s easy for things to go well when the path is smooth and straight, and you know the road. Better I find out now how he handles the bumps and twists that you can’t see.’
