‘I’ve done no such thing. This is totally different. I used to watch you walk by my office window in the mornings and I thought you were the hottest guy I’d ever laid eyes on. I had no idea it was you when your sign-up form came through.’
‘How convenient.’ My tongue clicks against the roof of my mouth. ‘But that doesn’t explain why you didn’t tell me afterwards. After everything we talked about, after I confided in you that Teagan followed me around for a full year, you didn't think to mention that you had too.’
‘I didn't follow you anywhere.’
‘The Christmas markets? You just happened to be there, too?’ She knew how I felt about her meeting my daughter. By bumping into us like that, she fast forwarded our entire relationship.
‘That was a coincidence! Jesus, you think I slipped a tracker in your coat or something the night before? You really think I’m capable of that?’
‘I have no idea what you’re capable of.’ Have I been so foolish? Duped again?
Though what would Ava want with me? Her family is far wealthier than my own.
‘My ovaries are about to explode.’Her words from yesterday stab me like a stake in the stomach.
‘Oh, God, Ava, please tell me you are actually on the pill?’ The thought of more kids, Ava’s kids was something that yesterday seemed like a distant dream.
But having the choice taken away from me again is an unforgivable nightmare.
It’s like history repeating itself.
‘How could you even ask that?’ She clutches her chest like she’s physically wounded. ‘Come on, you know me.’
‘Not as well, or for as long as you’ve known me apparently.’
The sounds of music and laughter drifts through the open doors mockingly.
I need to get away from here. I need space to process. But we’re in the middle of fucking nowhere, with no way out until tomorrow at the earliest.
‘Cillian, I—’
‘Look, we made this arrangement because we needed something from each other. It was a success. Teagan thinks I’ve moved on. You brought a date to your brother’s wedding. You’ll get your investment, if you decide you want it. Everything else was … a bonus.’
‘A bonus? Is that what you call falling in love?’ The pain cracking her face matches the one cracking open my chest.
‘Don’t go there, Ava.’ We’ve danced around those three little words all day. I don’t want to hear them. Not now. Not like this. My throat thickens. There’s no denying it. That’s exactly what this thing is between us. But now she’s said it out loud, now she’s breathed life into the ghost I never used to believe in, I’m not sure I’m ready for it.
‘I’m going to bed.’ I turn on my heel. ‘Please don’t follow me. It’s your brother’s wedding. Go dance. Drink. Do whatever the hell you like, just please, give me some space.’
I stare at the ceiling, forcing the oxygen past the knot that’s formed in my chest. The ache from it extends all the way to the bottom of my stomach.
Memories from the last few weeks bombard my brain. Ava on her knees for me. Taking care of my needs. Putting me first. Then‘I’ve wondered what you tasted like for months.’
Mr Suave Suit Guy. Looks sharp but is fucking stupid.
I twist the sheets in my hands, squeezing out my frustration. If she’d have been honest that night at the bar. Said, ‘hey, it’s you.’ Or even, ‘funny story, I’ve noticed you around.’
Anything.
Though if she had, I would have pulled on my coat and raced out the door faster than a stolen Ferrari.
But she had so many chances to tell me after that and she didn't, and that’s what feels like a betrayal. Especially given the way I opened up to her about Teagan.
The Ava I know wears her heart on her sleeve. Or I thought she did. I feel like our entire relationship has been based on a lie.
Am I overreacting?
Maybe. But I’ve been burned before, and I never want to feel that way again. It’s not just me I have to protect, it’s Phoebe too.
