Thank God. It would be awful if we couldn't form some sort of friendship, given how much we both adore her only son.
The beat changes to a slow festive favourite and I snuggle into Cillian’s sturdy arms. It feels so right. So perfect. So natural. He dances like a pro. Is there anything he doesn’t excel at?
Oh yeah – fairy tales and forevers.
But he’s doing a damn good job of pretending.
ChapterTwenty-Eight
CILLIAN
Sunday 10th December
I wake with Ava’s lithe body in my arms and her leg draped over my thigh. Worryingly, I could get used to this. Those long lustrous eyelashes flutter like she’s dreaming.
Is it me she sees when she’s fast asleep? Does she think about me as much as I think about her? For something that’s supposed to be fake, this thing between us is starting to feel very real.
Could it ever be?
Ava’s parents are living proof that there is such a thing as a love that lasts.
Maybe, just maybe ours could too.
Though her comments in the car yesterday rattled me.‘I want to get married here.’
Marriage was never part of my plan.
Ever.
But the thought of Ava marrying someone else makes my stomach bottom out. Because she’s mine. Whether I intended for it to happen or not. I have feelings for her. Big feelings. Ones that devour me. Ones that are too early to voice out loud. Ones that I’m not sure I’lleverbe able to say out loud.
Alex flirting with Ava last night only served to further prove what I already know. I want her, for real. I publicly claimed her with zero hesitation.
But how can I keep her, when I’ll never be able to give her what she wants? The fairy tale and forever.
Even if I could bring myself to risk my own heart, my own life, I have another person to think of. One whose heart’s been through too much already.
‘That’s a very pensive expression.’ Ava murmurs, snuggling closer. She’s unbelievably affectionate. Even in her sleep.
I never realised how lonely I was, how ravenous for tenderness I was, until she ploughed into my life and filled the fissures of my fragile heart.
I’ve never been one to beat around the bush.
‘I was thinking this thing between us is starting to feel very real.’ I bring her fingers to my lips and kiss them, rolling from my back onto my side to face her.
She blinks hard and reaches for my torso, tracing the line between my pecs with her fingers. ‘Wow.’
My chest tightens. ‘Did I read it wrong?’
Huge doe-like eyes flick up to meet mine. ‘No.’ She pauses, like she’s considering her next words carefully. I’m sensing a ‘but …’
A big one.
Instead, she opts for, ‘I’ve never been very good at casual sex.’
‘There’s nothing casual about the sex we’ve been having.’ I place my palm on her hip, brushing circles over her silky skin. ‘This thing between us, it’s different. It’s more.’
More than anything I’ve experienced before.
