Or perhaps it’s my weeping ovaries reminding me of my ticking biological clock.
My mother was twenty-two when she had my sister Faith. I always imagined being a young mum. Have three or four children. Sell my stunning, but solitary penthouse, and live in a house filled with love, like the one I grew up in.
‘Yeah, that and the annual Jackson summer barbecue. Remember the year we stole the Pimm’s punch?’ Bonnie squeezes my arm and steers me out of the way of a bunch of rowdy teenagers fuelled up on candy floss and Christmas cookies.
‘Oh, I’ve never been as sick in my life. What were we? Fifteen?’
‘Fourteen.’ Bonnie pulls me towards one of the small wooden cabins selling mulled wine and mince pies. The scent of roasted chestnuts and nutmeg saturates the air surrounding us as we get in line and order two large glasses of rich mulled wine.
I hand over twenty euros, and we continue browsing through the tiny festive stalls selling handmade ornaments, homemade fudge, and other seasonal treats.
Bonnie points out a stall where you throw rings around a teddy to win one. ‘Come on, I’ll see if I can win you a stuffed toy. At least you’ll have something to snuggle up to tonight.’
We nudge our way through the crowd to the last stall lined with fluffy teddies. Next to it is a spinning carousel of prancing reindeer, festive white horses, and friendly polar bears. My feet root to the spot, I’m entranced by the flashes of colour and light as they rotate hypnotically in front of me. Age-old holiday melodies fill the air along with the joyous laughter from the children riding it.
My focus is drawn to a stunning little girl with long blonde hair and a smile that squeezes my heart. She clings to a rainbow-coloured unicorn as it rises and falls to the music. Her eyes are squeezed tightly shut in pure ecstasy. I watch her as she whirls through the air. When her eyes fly open, the startling shade of silver staring back at me is frighteningly familiar.
So is the bulky frame of the suave suit-wearing guy riding the red-nosed reindeer next to her.
And if I thought she looked ecstatic, he looks euphoric. Not to be on the ride. His white knuckles give that much away. It’s the pleasure he’s getting from watching the little girl who has him elated.
The small smirk he’s offered me now and again has absolutely nothing on the broad face-splitting grin he offers his daughter.
The effect is utterly devastating on my ovaries.
His head cranes in my direction as if he senses my eyes on him. The smile freezes on his face as his eyes bore into mine. The ride slows to a stop, and the same hands that worshipped my body mere hours ago reach out for his daughter without breaking our stare.
ChapterTwenty
CILLIAN
I’ve been picturing Ava all damn day. It’s like I thought about her so hard, I accidentally summoned her. Flashbacks of last night had me stumbling over my words in court today. Moonlit shadows spilling the most erotic images over those crisp sheets circled on repeat until I had no choice but to call for a recess.
Should I grab Phoebe’s hand and run for the Ferris wheel, or say hello to the woman I’m pretending to be in a relationship with? The one who I both lost and found myself in last night.
I promised myself a long time ago that I’d never introduce a girlfriend to Phoebe. That I’d never bring another woman into her life. Never give another woman the opportunity to leave her like her mother did. And it’s one promise I’ll never break.
But I could introduce her as a colleague.
I step off the carousel and lift my beautiful daughter to the ground, holding her shoulders until I’m sure she’s steady on her feet.
‘That was so cool, Daddy. Wait ’til I tell Sarah Snowden about that.’ Phoebe adjusts her bobble hat and beams up at me.
Sarah bloody Snowdon.
I lift my head to the spot that Ava was standing in with her PA, but she’s gone. My lips press into a grimace. It’s probably for the best. I crouch, lavishing my full attention on the only girl I’m supposed to. ‘You looked amazing on the unicorn! Now, do you want a hot chocolate, or do you want to go on the Ferris wheel?’
‘Hot chocolate, then the Ferris wheel,’ Phoebe squeals with glee and claps her pink gloved hands together with excitement. ‘Thanks, Daddy. This is the best night ever.’
My heart inflates in my chest as I rise from my knees, then jumpstarts like a car being hot-wired as I come face to face with Ava Jackson.
‘Hi.’ She raises a hand in an exaggerated wave. ‘Promise I’m not stalking you.’ She glances to her PA, Bonnie. They seem to have a deep friendship, as well as professional relationship. Did she tell her about last night? And if so, what did she say? I’d have loved to be a fly on the wall for that one.
‘Bonnie and I come here every single December without fail. We have done since we were kids.’ She nods at the steaming cup of mulled wine in her hands. ‘We used to drink hot chocolate, but we’ve evolved since then.’
‘Well, rest assured, I’m not stalking you either.’ Phoebe’s watching Ava and my exchange with hawk eyes. ‘Phoebe, this is Ava, Daddy’s—’ I’m about to say colleague when Ava says ‘friend.’
I flinch. Still, it could be worse. Any second now, Ava will walk on. Other people’s six-year-old kids tend to have that effect on people. Especially glamorous sexy twenty-somethings like Ava Jackson.
