The extortionate registration fee usually deters applicants who aren't one hundred percent committed to finding true love, but occasionally we get the odd strange one slip through the net.
‘You didn't think I was going to miss HeartSync’s anniversary party, did you? I want to be a part of these things if I’m going to invest.’ Nate’s warm chuckle makes my blood run cold. ‘I assume the guy you’re dating will be there, right?’
Fuck.
I have work to do. And fast. On the plus side, I wanted publicity, and hot, happy A-List celebs generate that in spades.
‘Of course he will. Got to go. He’s on his way here now and he’ll probably want to bend me over the desk before taking me for breakfast.’ I hang up before Nate hears my groan. My forehead falls to my desk.
‘What the fuck, Ava?’ Bonnie gesticulates wildly with her hands.
‘I need him to invest. And so do you if you want to keep your job. I knew starting a business like this would be hard, but it’s sucking every cent I saved.’
‘Boss,’ Cleo calls across the office, cocking her purple tinged bob to the right. ‘We have a bit of a weird one. You’ve got to take a look at this …’
HeartSync Registration Form
Congratulations for committing to finding your forever. Please answer the following questions in as much detail as possible, for us to secure your most suitable match.
Name:Cillian Callaghan
D.O.B:Old enough to know better …
Email Address:[email protected]
Phone Number:0876665238 – don’t hold your breath for dick pics
Occupation:Lawyer
1. Describe your ideal partner in as much detail as possible.
Must possess the ability to convince my cheating ex that I’ve moved on and am in a committed long-term relationship.
2.Describe yourself in as much detail as possible.
Diligent. Dysfunctional. Desperate – given I’m filling in this form …
Do you want to know my penis size too?
3.Describe your ideal first date.
A blow job and a whiskey – a man can dream right?
4.Describe your ideal holiday.
I own a law firm. I don’t have time to holiday.
5. What are you looking for from a life partner?
Ha! There’s no such thing.
6. Have you ever been unfaithful?
No. I might be a grumpy workaholic, but I’m not a twat.
7. Provide a brief description of your parents’ relationship.
Fucked-up.
